Sunday, December 14, 2014

Sunday Confession: Admit

This week's prompt:
ADMIT

I'm really good at admitting my problems.  Sometimes, I'm so good at admitting what is wrong with me that I take responsibility for things that aren't my fault because I'm usually more willing to accept that something that happened or went wrong was my fault instead of being someone else's fault, or just one of those "things that happen".

Even though I'm good at admitting things, I suck at actually changing them. 

I'm not good at admitting when my feelings are hurt.  I'd rather shut out the person who hurt them until I'm ready to try again.  This usually doesn't work so well. 

I admit that I occasionally pee in the shower. And for the record, no....I haven't had Athlete's Foot yet. I also believe that anyone who says they haven't tried it is a liar.

I admit that I see the glass as half full when I'm filling it, half empty when I'm emptying it.  And when I just stumble on a glass that is only half full/empty, I wonder who the lazy fucker was that just left their glass there with something still in it. 

I admit that I think the Internet is what is dumbing down America.  Sometimes, I'm ashamed to feel like I'm a part of it. 

I admit that today might have been a day where I should have just stayed in bed. 




Sunday, December 7, 2014

Sunday Confession: Read

This week's prompt:
READ

When I was younger, I often felt there were messages behind people's words, social cues that I just didn't know how to read.  I didn't think I could read between the lines.  I often wished people were readable like the books I spent so much time with my nose in as a child. 

But in a strange way, things are starting to make sense in a way they never did before because I'm starting to believe that when people say things, the message "between the lines" is really everything I might ever need to know about who they are as opposed to what they might be saying about me. 

I keep trying to be friends with my ex.  Not this ex, but THIS ex.  I keep trying to figure out what might have gone wrong when the truth is that he is a sociopath.  

Yes.  I went out for dinner with my ex the other night (as friends!), looked him in the face and told him he is a sociopath. 

I'm so charming.  

The more I think about it, I think about all the things he's said and done over the years and as much as I would like people to see me as I am and not how I may have been in the past the truth is that in many ways I am the same person.  And when I think about the things he used to say, some of which he still does, he was telling me who he was the entire time. 

I've come to realize that all of the things people have said that I took as some kind of sad thing, something that made me want to be a better person in their life was really a statement that should have told me something about THEM.

When we were younger, he used to tell me that you can't trust anyone.  I heard: there is no one trustworthy in my life.  I went above and beyond to be a rock, someone who could be counted on to be honest and reliable.  Truth is... people who ARE something don't say it doesn't exist.  If he was trustworthy, then he wouldn't say such a thing because he would know personally that people can be trusted.

That realization might have changed how I look at my entire world.  The fact that I believe I can be trusted is why I believe people can be trusted.  I don't expect everyone to be like me.  I don't think I'm the best or I'm always right or I have all of the answers.  But I think in a lot of ways... I try.  I try to treat people the way I would like to be treated.  I try to give people the benefit of doubt because when people act shitty I want to believe it is because there is a reason for it... the same way I want people to understand that most of the time when I act shitty it is for a reason. 

 I've spent so much time wondering what went wrong with him, why he said and did the not so great and nice things he has done in the past.  I keep thinking there must be something that went wrong.  But the truth is, he really just isn't a very good person.  He isn't a good human bean (yes, BEAN) but I keep going back and trying to be his friend, be good to him, be kind and a friend because I am a good bean.  

This often gets misinterpreted by people, especially men, who misinterpret the nice things I do as some kind of "red flag" that I'm trying to hone in for a relationship or something they don't want to give.  And that makes me sad, because it tells me that when they do something similar it isn't to just be a good human bean...it might just be because they are trying to hone in for something.

I get burned in relationships, in friendships, in life... because I believe that people can be trusted, that people can change, that people deserve second chances.  And I believe all of these things because I believe I can be trusted, can change, deserve second changes.  I get burnt out sometimes and wind up hiding in my house and hating people because I feel like I'm wrong so often.  But I think I should start learning how to take what people say and consider what the message is really saying about them before extending myself in a way that leaves me hanging when all I want is someone to treat me the way that I treat them.


Friday, December 5, 2014

Friday Feats & Fails 12/5/2014


Welcome to another Friday Feats & Fails!  It's been busy.  Very busy.  So let's talk about the week!

FAILS:
-  My Sunday Confession was a day late.  There were problems.  It sucked.

-  I have worked a ridiculous amount of overtime this week.  Ok, not really... I've probably worked more hours in one week when I had two jobs, but I'm exhausted.  I don't mind it because I love my office and the people I work with, but I did over 40 hours between Sunday-Thursday and I still have two days left.  No one wants to work that much, I don't care what anyone says.

-  Cyber Monday kicked my ass.

-  I've eaten out at least 4 times this week. There was Pizza Hut, Texas Roadhouse, and Chinese food... and my boss bought everyone lunch one day!  I need to get that under control.

-  I've tried not to say anything in the interest of not airing dirty laundry and because I try not to be the person who keeps talking about their ups and downs of a relationship ALL THE TIME.  But Bonehead is being a bonehead.  I thought we'd fixed things between us, but the man needs a dose of "Act Right" because in my opinion he hasn't been.  So that sucks, but it isn't what I feel bad about (and perhaps the fact that I don't feel bad ought to be a fail too).  On Thanksgiving, someone asked me about him and I actually said he was one Indian who deserved smallpox for Thanksgiving.  So... that is on my fail list.  Not that fact that I said it about him, but because I said it.  If that makes sense.

-  The car wash made me look like an asshole.  I went in for a simple wash, it kept telling me to drive forward then I overshot which caused the whole thing to shut down and flash red lights for like 8 minutes until an attendant finally appeared and reset the thing.  So... I was the dumbass at the carwash holding up the line, looking like she was too stupid to use the thing.

-  I have one thing ordered for Christmas.  As someone working in online sales, you would think I would know better.

-  I've gotten 7 hours of sleep since 7:00 am on Wednesday morning.  I could not sleep Wednesday night.  I got up for work at 7 am, went out for dinner at 7 pm and then watched a movie and got home sometime around 11:30 and I laid there until it was time to get up for work.  I picked up donuts for my office, got to work and the person I work with who was supposed to work with me showed up 15 minutes late, then worked from 6 am until 7:20 pm.  Got home late Thursday and didn't get to bed until 11:30-12, and was back up at 7 am this morning.

-  I haven't done a damn thing around the house all week.  As a matter of fact, I wore a thong that was a tad too tight for my entire 13.5 hour day at work yesterday.  Can you say OUCH?


FEATS:
+  I have a job where I love being with the people I work with, and I am allowed to work overtime.  There was a problem with the Internet at work and I am being allowed to work from home.  That is pretty awesome.  And my paycheck will be even more awesome.

+  Just because I'm upset about eating out this week doesn't mean I didn't really enjoy the bacon stuffed crust pizza, the steak, the giant margarita with the extra shot of Patron, and the Chinese food.

+  I don't know if you noticed, but today I get to work from home.  That is awesome.  Maybe I'll get my Christmas ordering done.

+  Sweaters on clearance.  I can't find boots in my size to save my life and I really need them, but clearance sweaters I was able to make happen for a very good price.  Like more than 60% off.  While spending the money wasn't the most awesome thing, I DO need them.

+  My sister found out yesterday that she is expecting TWINS.  I'm terrified for her because...well, that's sisterhood.  Hell... I'm terrified for me because I can barely afford to spoil the nephew I've got the way that I do.  I'm also very excited because I love babies and I am hopeful that the two new ones will love and adore me as much as my nephew does.  He is also thrilled at the fact that he will be big brother to two instead of one.

So... I think that wraps it up.  Lots of good things, couple of shitty things.... it is going to be an interesting rest of the year I think.

How about you?

Monday, December 1, 2014

Sunday Confessions: Power






Power is so many things.

I believe that your mouth has power, that by saying something you are sending it out into the universe as something that could be.  That the words you use create a ripple not only in the world, but on the person you use them to or about.

I believe in a higher power.  What that higher power is I'm not sure, but what if "God" is really just a power?  Not good or bad but just "power"?  Are you using that power to propel yourself for good or evil?  Is the agenda or goal you're promoting one that spreads positive ripples or negative ripples?

I believe that we all have power.  Power to change the life of an animal, the life of a person, the condition of things and the way things stand.  We have the power to choose how we are going to see and respond to any situation we encounter.  Sometimes, we don't realize how much power we have.  Sometimes we give away our power.

I believe that sometimes when you want to take power away from something, the best thing you can do is laugh at it.  Someone once told me that if people had laughed at Hitler and kept laughing, World War II might not have ever happened.  In many ways, I believe this could have been true.  I know that in my own life, I am not really ok with something until I can laugh at it and while it might still hurt... I know if I can laugh at it, I can survive it somehow.

Consider your power.  Consider the power you have, how it impacts others,  how it impacts your world... are you using it wisely?


Friday, November 28, 2014

Product Junkie Review: Birchbox November 2014


October was an interesting month for subscriptions.  I received my first Ipsy box this month and between Ipsy and Birchbox I managed to get a blend of products I both loved and wasn't so crazy about.  Overall, I would have to say that I was pretty pleased because the products I got that were really great pretty much made the ones I wasn't so pleased with look not too bad.


Not Soap, Radio Body Wash ($16.00/13.61 fl. oz./402.5 ml) “Awash in a Field of Four-Leaf Clover” is a fragrance with actual four-leaf clover extract from Ireland and green tea to tone and calm the skin.  From the first sniff, I knew it was going to be one of my favorite products and so far it really has been!  I look forward to showering!  The scent is pleasant and enjoyable while in the shower, but doesn't linger long so to interfere with lotions or perfumes you might apply later.  Not only did it smell good, but got me clean and left my skin feeling good.  Plus...it is free of parabens, sulfates, and phthalates and are never tested on animals.  This was definitely one of my favorite products in this box!


Royal Apothic Cuppa Cuppa Firming Tea Treatment Mask ($58.00/6 tubes .33 oz each) This was my chosen sample selection this month and I was lucky enough to get it.  I was thrilled!!!

This smells AWESOME.  The texture was nice and it applied smoothly.  I was not thrilled about the way it felt on my face... not exactly a burning, but kind of a cooling mentholyptus feeling that I don't care for in any product.  When I washed my face, it rinsed off easily and without harsh scrubbing or needing to use a scrub or cleanser to get all of the product off (which often happens to me).  When I rinsed the first thing I noticed was how fresh faced I felt.  I put on a heavy night moisturizer, and I actually texted a friend to tell her that I felt like my face had just given birth to a new face.  It was an incredible feeling!  I did experience a little redness, but it went away.  There was no dryness and at one point I moved my nose to the side to look at some dryness I had been experiencing on the side and some blackheads that were on top of my nose actually cleared themselves out!  Totally interesting and new experience.  I will definitely be investing in some of this in the future.







Laura Mercier Longwear Crème Eye Pencil ($24.00)  Man, I have been getting a lot of eyeliner lately.  And quite a few purple ones too now that I think about it.  I really didn't notice much of a difference about this one.  The color is nice, pretty true to what is represented.  I didn't notice anything unusual or extraordinary about how long it lasted.  I don't think I'd purchase it for myself because it is a $24.00 eyeliner, but I'm glad I got to try it.  What I can say is that this item actually didn't make it into my box and was supposed to.  Which meant that I got to contact Customer Service for my first missing item ever.  And they were an absolute dream! 







Vosges Petits Chocolats ($20.00/4.8 oz) I would do anything for chocolate, but I don't know about these Vosges Petits Chocolats. 70% cacao dark chocolate shell filled with rich sugar caramel, which comes in four distinct flavors: black salt caramel, pink Himalayan crystal salt caramel, smoke & stout caramel, and blood orange caramel.  I happened to get the Pink Himalayan Crystal Salt Caramel.  I like pink Himalayan sea salt.  It was delicious and completely wonderful.  I love salted caramel that actually tastes like it is salted.  But, $20.00 for 12 caramels is a bit much even for me.





 
Laura Mercier Tinted Moisturizer Broad Spectrum SPF 20 Sunscreen  ($43.00/1.7oz)  I received a small, magazine sample size of this as a "bonus" with my Laura Mercier eyeliner this month. I didn't even bother because I don't think I'd really get an idea of what I think about it in order to really comment on it. 







Klorane Floral Water Make-up Remover with Soothing Cornflower ($23.00/13.5 fl oz)  This was super gentle and removed my eye-makeup pretty well.  I've been taking a more "relaxed" approach to my eye makeup as of late, but this definitely combated my mascara pretty well and removed effectively for something so gentle.  I probably won't be purchasing it any time soon, but definitely recommend it for anyone looking for a product like this.





Atelier Cologne Absolute Santal Carmin ($195.00/100mL)  I am really unhappy about this cologne.  I received my sample in a small bag with a postcard.  At first sniff, I wasn't sure what to think.  But then I actually put it on and fell in love.  This scent makes me happy and it lasts for hours and hours.  I got more than 10 hours wear with this and could still smell it when I went home after an 11 hour day.  That is incredible and it smells amazing.  So what am I so unhappy about?  The fact that this is something I really can not afford.  I'm going to be saving Birchbox points forever for this one!




Overall, Birchbox was an excellent investment this month.  For people who wonder if Birchbox is worth it, I'd like to point out that in my box I received an entire .33oz tube of the Cuppa Cuppa Mask and when you purchase it you get six; that one sample alone was worth nearly $10 and so worth it!  While I hope not to see anymore eyeliners or tiny, magazine size samples, this month's winning products were totally worth it!

Looking to sign up?  CLICK HERE

And if you gift someone with Birchbox, you get a free box for every subscription you gift someone!!

Friday Feats & Fails 11/28/2014





Holiday!  Celebrate!  Haha... just kidding.  I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving, or at least enjoyed whatever they ended up doing yesterday.  And, of course, I am grateful for those serving in our Armed Forces and Emergency/Human Services who were unable to be home yesterday because they were serving and sacrificing for the people of this country...without them, I wouldn't have the opportunity to have my Feats & Fails or have Thanksgiving.

On to this week...

FAILS:
-  We got a Keurig at work.  I am now drinking two cups a day.  Yay, caffeine dependence!

-  I didn't do shit this past weekend.  Seriously.  Not shit.

-  I think I'm being lied to by someone I care about.  I realize that when it comes to me, it is a fine line between intuition and paranoia because of how people have lied to me and hurt me in the past.  I can say that it has had an intensely negative impact on my life and how I view relationships with others.  I have trust issues.  But there reaches a point where a person's actions say so much about how they feel about you and where they hold you not only in their heart but on their list of priorities.

-  I had the grossest nosebleed ever this week.  It was short, but super gross.  And it was at the Post Office.  Why does gross shit keep happening to me at the Post Office?  What the hell?

-  I was rude to someone who was rude to me.  I try to be better than that and in one instance I wasn't this week.  I won't lie and say that my feelings weren't a little hurt to be spoken to the way I was when I was a attempting to show someone appreciation and pay them a compliment.  At the same time, I'm a little mad at myself for not shrugging it off as someone being a jackhole and unworthy of my time.

-  I have something like 6 product reviews to write over the next few days.

-  I forgot to share the Sunday Confessions topic.  Which sucks.  What sucks more?  The fact that no one noticed. 

-  I've been clenching my teeth in my sleep and waking up with headaches.  This is both painful, uncomfortable and a terrible way to start the day.


FEATS:
+  I feel less stressed.  I still have a mountain of bills, a dirty apartment and more to do that I have energy but somehow I just feel more comfortable with things.  Like they will be taken care of in due time.  I feel ok with this.

+  I was able to help give some support towards a cause I feel very strongly about.  For more information Ryan Holle Petition.

+  Thanksgiving was delicious this year.  There wasn't a single thing I didn't eat seconds of and I don't feel bad about it for one second.

+  Week 3 of my new job and I still love it.  Things are getting busier, people are getting crazier, but I'm still happy to be here.  My coworkers are cool.  My boss seems to genuinely appreciate me.  I just love being here and I feel like a valued contributor.  That is awesome, because I haven't felt that way in a long time.

+  My Mom bought me a new sweater and it is AWESOME.

+  I got a love letter at work last week from a man named Bubba, who called me "Sweetie" and when he called referred to me as "Sweetie" and "Honey".  I love old men who call me "Sweetie".

+  Overtime weekend!

+ I posted an awesome holiday gift guide this week!  READ IT HERE 

+  I was just messaged on Plenty of Fish by a guy who likes larger women and wants to feed me.  I think a dream just came true. 


Wednesday, November 26, 2014

All I Want For Christmas 2014

'Tis the Season to be Jolly!!

Or something...

I'll admit that even though I KNOW the holidays aren't supposed to be about materialism, I still get a little Grinchy when I don't know what to get someone or where to get something good.  So here are my gift ideas and website recommendations for Christmas 2014.



Custom Jigsaw Puzzles  A great gift for the puzzle person in your family because chances are, they've never put together a puzzle created from their own family photo, pet photo or a picture from that last great vacation.

PortraitPuzzles.com will take your favorite photo and turn it into a custom jigsaw puzzle or use your own design image to create a quality, custom puzzle made to last. 

Puzzles range in size from 16" x 10" to huge floor puzzles.  Price varies according to size and number of pieces, but start as low as $27.99.  They also offer $5.00 Economy shipping within the continental United States as well as shipping to Canada and Australia.  Definitely worth looking into if you have a puzzle lover in the family.

The great part is that they are a small business, so you're supporting a small business owner by purchasing from them.  Plus, More Than Cheese and Beer readers can use code PPORDER06 for $2.00 off their order!


Birchbox  I have been a Birchbox member for over a year now and I am still in LOVE.  Every month I get a box full of goodies for $10.  You can read my reviews here.  They offer three options for gifting starting at $30.00 for 3 months.  Birchbox is also now shipping to Canada! 

https://www.birchbox.com/invite/thbqdI think it is a great gift option for anyone who likes to experiment with products, a teenager who might be new to beauty products and wants to try new things, or anyone who might like a once a month pick-me-up.  This is what I'm getting MYSELF this year!  Purchase a Birchbox Gift Here.



Jamberry Nails  I will admit, I am a new Jamberry fan.  I'd first seen them a little over a year ago and was sent a sample from an incredibly nice Jamberry Consultant who sent me a few in the mail to try.  While I love the application and the patterns Jamberry was selling at the time, unfortunately the nail shields just didn't last for me.  Whether it was my job at the time or the application, I'm not sure but I wasn't thrilled enough to even consider ordering them because my manicure lasted one day.

Since then, however, Jamberry has apparently re-done the nail shields and I was graciously sent another sample by fellow blogger and Jamberry Consultant Anna-May Jeffries.  I can now see why everyone is so in love with them!  The Fall/Winter catalog is incredible and they are currently Buy 3, Get 1 Free!  So you could use them as stocking stuffers, or get a bunch for one person.

They also have the "Nail Art Studio" where you can create your Jamberry Nails with your images!  How cool is that?!?!
To Order: Jamberry by Anna-May  For Specials and Promos follow Anna-May on Facebook.



Penny Jules  I love Penny Jules!  Heather's designs are inspired, creative, super cute, and won't break the bank.  She has everything from Doctor Who inspired jewelry to Day of the Dead Skull earrings.  She even has Disney Princess inspired jewelry and hair combs, which I love because she incorporates wonderful little details and they're suitable for Princess fans of all ages.  

I'll be buying some things from Penny Jules for the people on my list for sure!



Mommy Needs Wine, Not Whine Mugs  She's hot.  She blogs.  She writes rude things on tea cups.  I've gotten so many wonderful things and given away so many wonderful things from this lady, I can't even begin to tell you!  She ships Priority Mail, the mugs are more than reasonably priced especially considering she hand-paints them all in her kitchen while drinking Sauvignon Blanc.

If you're looking for formal tea sets with "Whore", "Slut" or some other obscenity written on it... she's your girl!  She's also been known to crank out humping stick figure mugs and draw dicks on the bottom of coffee cups by request.
 
To get your own Mommy Needs Wine, Not Whine Gift check her out on Facebook.

Her latest stroke of genius?  This amazing Inigo Montoya mug.  I love it.  Get Your Mug On Here.



The Original BeautyBlender  I got one for myself, I wrote the review.  I stand behind the Original BeautyBlender as a great gift because I think gifts should be useful, or something someone might want but not necessarily want to spend the money for which makes the $20 BeautyBlender an awesome gift.  If you're not a Birchbox member, you can also find the BeautyBlender on Amazon for $16.99.
 

PartyLite I don't care what anyone says... candles make the world a happier place.  I am in love with PartyLite's ScentGlow Warmers.  This might be the year I stock up on ALL THE THINGS.  You can order from Jimmy at PartyLite. AND... they are having a 12 Days of Christmas Sale through the 12th!!
Ofra Universal Eyebrow Pencil. Birchbox says: No more wondering which pencil, powder, or mousse best matches your brows: Pick up this pencil from Ofra, and you’ve got the right shade. Its universally flattering tone works to define and fill brows of any color, and the water-resistant formula stays put all day.  They aren't joking... it really is universally flattering, it really does stay put all day and my brows look fantastic.  Using this pencil actually got me complimented on my eyebrows for the first time in my life.  This is probably one of the best products I've tried all year and I think everyone should have one.  EVERYONE.  Sharing is caring; Give the gift of good brows!  This can be purchase on Birchbox for $13 or you can buy it directly from Ofra.


Coastal Scents Revealed 2 Palette ($19.95 on Birchbox)  Another Birchbox find, this palette is one of my favorites.  It has a variety of earthy and awesome colors and I have yet to meet anyone who can't find at least one color they like in this palette.  You can find it on Birchbox or on Amazon.com






I am in love with Anti-Clothes t-shirts.  $5.00 a shirt and I've found at least six shirts I want to order for someone in my family (aka my brother), myself and a couple of my friends.  You can't beat the price and a $50 order gets free shipping.  I don't think I will have any problems spending $50 on this site.


Stupid.com Need a gag gift?  Something involving bacon?  An ugly sweater?  Fake barf, poop or hairballs?  Something with zombies or unicorns?  Grumpy cat, Doctor Who, Star Wars or Superhero merchandise?  I know... you think I'm joking, but I'm not.  If is it stupid or just kinda weird you can find it at Stupid.com.  There is no limit to the stupid awesomeness on this site whether it is a gag gift, a white elephant gift for the in-laws you hate, or just something a little different...you can find it here.  I've ordered from them many times before and while the site is stupid, the customer service isn't.  Check out the Stupid here.


Julep It's good to be a Maven!  I've been a Julep Maven for a year and I love it because mavens get first access to new colors and products, and special discounts!  Boxes come with $40 of product for just $20/month. Definitely a good gift for a nail polish connoisseur, not to mention... their Mint Condition Pedi Creme is the best, their Glycolic Hand Scrub will keep your digits soft, and their Oxygen Treatment line has given me the best nails I've ever had (even getting complimented by nail technicians).  

You can give Maven Boxes for 2, 4 or 6 months or sign up to become a Maven yourself (be sure to use code FREEBOX to get your first box free!)


The Honest Company  Oh, Jessica Alba, you're doing something right!  Even though Target now carries some of The Honest Company's products, I'm still receiving bundles because I save money on the items I'm buying and using.  Read my Honest Company Review.  They have an awesome collection of Gifts like the Baby Arrival Gift set, the Mini Diaper Cakes, Bath Time Sets, and you can always give an Essential Gifts Bundle which contains a full month's supply of natural, non-toxic personal care & home cleaning essentials.  It would be an awesome gift for anyone interested in natural, non-toxic products!


Alibris: Books, Music, & MoviesAlibris: Books, Music, & Movies Alibris is one of my favorite book, music and movie sites EVER. They sell both new and used from retailers all over the United States. I have had many great experiences with them. I once used Alibris to find I book I was told would be $100+ because it was out of print. Not only did I get a SIGNED copy, but it was a copy the author had written notes in and gifted to a friend which made it even more special to the person I gave it to...the excitement and joy was priceless. He thought I paid a fortune, I really paid a little over $30.00. Definitely worth checking out for hard to find titles, signed titles, collector worthy books, or if you are just looking for quality, used alternatives to buying new books.

HipsandCurves.com (NSFW)  One of my favorite lingerie websites with items ranging from "Ooh" to "Ooh la la!" and some of the best prices and size options I've seen anywhere.  I've ordered from them in the past and been very happy.  If you're going to get your ho ho ho on, I hope you check them out.

Toy4pleasure.com (NSFW)  Want to make it more XXX than sexy this Christmas?  This is the site.  The best selection of...ahem, "adult accessories" whether you are shopping for yourself, your significant other, or someone else.  Stuff for men, women, and couples, as well as gag gifts, costumes, books, and lotions & potions.  These are the best prices I've seen on and offline.  Shipping is fast, packaging and billing is discrete and you get a free gift with your order.  This is the site if you're looking to jingle your bells this holiday season!


Well, that's it.  That is everywhere I'm shopping this year, I think.  If you can't find a gift for someone on this list, maybe they don't deserve a gift from you.