Friday, October 25, 2013

5-Minute Friday: Together

One of my favorite bloggers, Joy Christi at ComfyTown Chronicles decided to try something new on her blog today called "5-Minute Friday".  

    Five Minute Friday


I felt inspired and let's be honest...I've been neglecting my poor blog and the folks who actually read what I have to say.  So, let's try this....

Together

When I started looking into this 5-Minute Friday thing...everyone has cute little blogs and stories about the word "Together" and their friends, families, and husbands.  

But honestly, the first thing that came to my mind right now was... "I'm glad we're not TOGETHER".

This break-up has been by far the worst in my entire life.  Not in terms of being the most heartbreaking...but in terms of being the most tedious, psyche damaging, embarrassing, exhausting and scary.  The relationship deteriorated to the point where it didn't really feel like we were a couple anymore, but more like going through the motions together. 

You can be alone and not be lonely, I've always believed that.  But damn, I gotta say laying in bed together and feeling like the loneliest person in the world was one of the most awful feelings I've ever had about a relationship I've been in.  I didn't realize you could be with someone and eating together, watching t.v. together, shopping together, laying in bed together...hell, I'll put myself out there and even say showering together....and still feel like the only person on a large planet. 

And while I've dealt with some sadness over recent events, and while I still feel hurt and embarrassment....what I feel the most is joy and relief that we are no longer together.  In the month since it ended...I've had bad days.  I'm not going to act like he left and everything got hunky frickin' dory.  I've had some downright shitty ass days where I wish he was there to talk to or just vent to.  But then I remember that all the things I wanted from him as a partner when we were together...he didn't really do.  After awhile, it seemed to me that we had a difference in opinion of what "together" really meant.  When I said "together", I meant that we weren't just in a relationship together but we were a team; We were working on common goals, wanted the same things, and everyone was working together supporting each other, leaning on each other, and taking care of each other.  I can't really say what "together" really meant for him, but I often felt like he considered "together" to mean that we were "in a relationship" (aka not sleeping with other people and saying "I love you"...the end) or we did something together because we occupied the same space even if we weren't interacting with each other.  And I look at the things I've been doing with myself and my time and my life since then...and the reality is that a relationship should enhance your life journey, not take you away from it.  And the two of us being together wasn't enhancing mine.  I had deserted my journey to travel his and try and make it better and in the process I lost my way and ended up in places I didn't want to be. 

Almost every day I do something that I wouldn't or couldn't do before, and every time I do I think..."damn, I'd have never done this if we were together."  Or I remember what shitty thing he would have said or done  if I did something new or try something different from what I've always done before. 

Maybe that isn't what anyone had in mind about using this word for this Friday's Topic, but this is what it is evoking in me today.  I'm glad we are no longer together.  Glad enough to sing a goddamn Taylor Swift song....WEEEEEEEEE  EEEEEEEEE ARE NEVER EVER EVER GETTING BACK TOGETHER!!!

2 comments:

  1. Uh maw GAWD. You did NOT do it wrong. Anything. This is powerful juju right here! You said so much in 5 minutes. Some people take their WHOLE DANG LIVES to figure this out! Break-ups are never easy, the end of something that was or almost was or whatever, but it's WAY better than being a part of something that isn't complete for you. That isn't "together." Whatever that means.
    I like your definition of together. Together SHOULD be better, not taking away from your journey. I'm so glad you recognize that, and you KNOW it and you can feel good about it, even if it's not easy. When you're ready, when you find that person that WILL enhance your journey, and vice versa, it's so freaking TOGETHER, it's mad crazy awesome. And even if that means a special friend that enhances your journey, or a spouse, or whatever, it's different for everyone, it's amazing and not "alone" feeling.
    You deserve that, and this is the only way you'll get that. GOOD FOR YOU!
    I'm so glad you did this.

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    1. Thank you so much. I'm really glad I did it too. It felt good to sit and just work on some focused writing instead of just what comes to mind....randomly. I can't wait to see what this Friday's word is.

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