Monday, January 27, 2014

Anonymous Confessions: Reconcile

Facebook is still making it increasingly hard for Pages and Bloggers alike to share content, sadly. So, we are still sharing page confessions. Now, Pages can submit their confessions as well! Here's what happened yesterday, anonymous confessions are BLACK, mine are PURPLE, and page confessions will contain a link!

"My mom and I have had a love/hate relationship for years. She was hard on me. Too hard. My sibling is the golden child and can do no wrong. She has uninvited me to Christmas because I had to spend time with my in-laws. It was an all or nothing. She causes me anxiety on a daily basis. BUT, now, she's getting forgetful. More forgetful than she should be and it scares the shit out of me. So even though I have a suitcase full of baggage, I realize that I might not have "her" for much longer. I forgive her. She doesn't even realized that I've been so mad at her for so long. I forgive her. I love her. I am going to enjoy her."

The Boyfriend-That-Was and I only really reconciled one time. I regret it more than anything I've said, done, or thought in the past 5 years. What is happening in my life right now, might have been avoided if I had walked away and never looked back years ago - More than Cheese and Beer

r espect
e qual
c onsiderate
o ne
n ice
c haste
i nvincible
l oyal
e vil
That was the last one you were. Reconcile...pass. I HAVE reconciled myself to the idea its best you are gone. And I am happy with that."

Sometimes, I think the best reconciliation you can have is with yourself, not necessarily with others - MTCAB

"A year ago today I woke to my husband not at home. He'd left drunk and angry the night before. He told me we were really divorcing this time and I could have the house. His last words to me were 'fuck you'. I called his phone and a woman answered who spoke little English. She told me to come right away to room 342. I had no idea where. A few minutes later, a policeman came to my door and told me my husband was dead.
I was angry and hurt for a really long time. I struggled to help my kids to grieve their hero, to remember the good in their father when all I had in my heart was ugly bitterness.

Except today I forgive him. I let go of all of that and can actually see how things are better now than they might have been. He is finally at peace and so am I."
"I miss my ex-husband almost everyday. I often wish we could reconcile. I have to actively remind myself how unhappy I was and why I left in the first place. It's been 4 years."

"I've been thinking about this #SudayConfessions most of the week. I can't even wrap my head around the subject, so it's hard for me to put into words. My hope in writing this super emotional, sensitive subject will enlighten you all a little bit as to who I am, and also help me find a bit of myself as well since this subject tends to make me feel lost. If there are any of you who are going through this as well, hopefully I can at least be someone you can relate to.

I have a 3 year old daughter who will be 4 in June.
I was with her baby making donor for 2.5 years before having her. Had I known this is how things would've turned out..well, I don't know if I would've handled it differently.

To put it simply, he was never there. He never showed interest in her. He didn't help with anything. When I say didn't help, I mean literally. He never once changed a diaper, never once bathed her, fed her, clothed her, played with her, kissed her, held her.

I was a single parent with a roommate. He was too caught up in his stupid video games and worthless friends.

One day, when she was 4 months old, I was deathly ill with the Flu, she had Croup and a sinus infection. He sat on the couch all day playing his video games while I went to the store in a snow storm with her to get groceries. (This is the part where I mention he didn't have a job and I was supporting everyone and couldn't afford to be home sick from work). I came home and started cooking dinner, inbetween feeding her, rocking her, giving her meds, doing laundry, and having to forget that I was sick.

The fucker asked me if I needed help.

I lost it. I screamed at him and screamed at him and just let it all out. NOW you ask me if I need help? NOW?!?!

After my rant, he still didn't get up and help. So, I calmly walked over to the TV and shut off the ps3 in anger.

That was the wrong thing to do. He shot off the couch and threw me against the wall while I was holding my daughter.

I didn't fall, she wasn't hurt.

I called the cops and he was arrested and charged with Domestic Violence and child abuse.

That was 3 years ago, haven't seen or heard from him since, and it's been just her and I.

The reason I give you this back story plays into the rest of what I want to write about.
My daughter is getting older, and I know that she will soon be asking questions about it.
How do I tell her? How do I come to grips with what he did?
I have a lot to think about before that day comes. My wish is that someday when she's much older, (And he has grown the fuck up) she can have a conversation with him and maybe, in some alternate universe, have somewhat of a relationship with him. I don't know if that will ever happen, and for her protection, I'm not even sure I want it to.

For now, I have to reconcile with myself about what happened, and learn to forgive. But most importantly, I have to do it for her."

Someday, I'm going to have to reconcile with the guinea pigs. It's not wholly their fault that we don't like each other - MTCAB

Thanks for joining me this week.  Read Confessions HERE

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