Sunday, January 5, 2014

Resolution/Regret



Today's Sunday Confession prompt:
RESOLUTION/REGRET

I'm very excited about 2014.  I've tried to be pretty open about my struggles without being a whiny bitch (Thank You for not pointing out when I have failed to do so, by the way), but 2013 was one swift kick to the crotch after another.  I wonder if how I've been feeling lately is how Holyfield felt, because 2013 kind of felt like my Mike Tyson.

(Another Confession: This man scares the shit out of me)

I haven't made a real Resolution in years.  Maybe that is a sign of how stagnant my life felt at the time, like it wasn't worth the effort to make a decision or commitment to change something.  I don't know.  Maybe I thought things were fine.  A year ago seems like another lifetime in a lot of ways and I don't remember what happened.

I didn't necessarily make Resolutions this year.  I find that people don't really take Resolutions seriously, and the things I have rolling around my head are anything but less than half-hearted declarations of intent to change.  Instead, I have a flexible plan that can be altered if need be, because life doesn't care if you have a plan.

2014 feels like it is going to be a year of healing, and as I heal I hope to learn to take care of, respect, accept, love, appreciate, and cherish myself in ways I never have.  I hope that love leads me to grow not only into the person I want to be, but into the person I have the potential to be.  Obviously this is not a one year task, but everything has a starting point. 

I chose to include Regrets because some people don't want to talk about Resolutions.  Sometimes, you just have to admit to not being happy about something you said or did.  I used to want to believe that I didn't have regrets because every "mistake", bad decision, or act of poor judgement made me into the person I am today. 

But the truth is, I've made decisions I'm not proud of and I've learned that I don't value myself the way I should...if you don't really love yourself, how can you say you have no regrets because they made you who you are?  

A Regret only becomes a learning experience if you actually learn from it, and make changes to avoid the same situation/reaction/decision again.  I think it is also fair to say that when a decision is made in spite of better judgement or past experience, one is entitled to some regret as well. 

I regret allowing myself to be caged; I will learn to fly again. 

I regret letting anyone treat me in ways that were unkind, unloving, disrespectful, degrading and unwarranted; I will be kind and loving to myself, build myself up, and surround myself with people who do the same.

I regret treating my instinct like paranoia or ignorance; I will strive to use my intuitive talents and strengthen them. 

I regret letting people who have already shown the content of their character to be lacking into my life in a way that left me open to being taken advantage of or hurt; I will love them because everyone deserves love, but from a distance and never in a way that will leave me susceptible to the flaws of their character again. 

I regret trying to be someone or something I'm not and denying my true nature; I will strive to be the person I want to be, and hope someday to be the person I have the potential to be. 

I regret allowing the opinions and judgments of others dictate my life; I will embrace people who, though they may not agree, acknowledge and respect my decisions. 

I regret being judgmental of others and myself; I will remember that people who walk around thinking others are judging them often do so because they walk around judging others...and instead, I shall speak blessings (and only complain about them on Facebook a little).

I regret forgetting the things I believe in and the joy they brought me; I will find the joy trying, doing, seeing and tasting new things again and I will do more than I ever did before, and I will seek out my hobbies.

I regret not continuing with something I wanted to do because I felt uncomfortable, or because someone made me uncomfortable;  I will push myself in a direction, find a goal and reach it and consider being uncomfortable more of a reason to be proud of continuing.

I regret acting like a weakling; I will remind myself that I am strong and beautiful. 

I regret being my own enemy; Most of my regrets I feel are due to my own actions.  I will forgive myself.  I will heal.  I will learn.  I will love myself.  I will treat myself with kindness and understanding.  I will trust myself.  I will treat MYSELF the way I want to be treated above all, then I will treat others the way I want to be treated and accept nothing less.  

I regret not deciding to do all of this for myself before, but now...this will be a lesson. 


Luckily, I never blog alone!  Please check out these wonderful people who participated with me this week....



MoreThanCheeseandBeer
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