Friday, February 7, 2014

Secret Subject Swap

Welcome to a Secret Subject Swap. This week, 15 brave bloggers picked a secret subject for someone else and were assigned a secret subject to interpret in their own style. Today we are all simultaneously divulging our topics and submitting our posts.

Secret Subject Swap

Here are links to all the sites now featuring Secret Subject Swap posts.  Sit back, grab a cup, and check them all out. See you there:

Baking In A Tornado
The Momisodes
Stacy Sews and Schools
Follow me home . . .
Dinosaur Superhero Mommy
Dates 2 Diapers 2
Confessions of a part-time working mom
Evil Joy Speaks
Spinster Snacks
FBX Adventures (In Parenting)
More Than Cheese and Beer
Searching for Sanity
 Small Talk Mama
 Juicebox Confession
 Spatulas on Parade

My subject for my first Subject Swap is: 
“Hollywood producers ask you to come up with a Valentines episode for your favorite TV show. What show? What happens? Any special guests? Any crazy cliffhangers? Super mushy?”

It was submitted by: Dinosaur Superhero Mommy


My FAVORITE TV Show is American Horror Story.  I LOVE me some of that crazy Jessica Lange.

The episode starts with Fiona waking up in a messed up bed, alone.  She slowly wake up, rolls over in the bed and reaches across the bedside table, knocking over one of many glasses and spilling liquor on the floor to scratch another slash into the knotty pine walls.  Thirteen days.  She grabs for the bottle on the table and tries to pour another glass and gets a small trickle.  She stumbles out into the kitchen, grumbling again about the smell of fish on her way to the side board where she pours herself a drink.  Fiona tosses the drink back.  She reaches for another only to stop when she sees Papa Legba sitting the chair where we last saw him.  He invites her to come sit with him.

Next we find beautiful Zoe standing in the bathroom applying heavy makeup, something we haven't seen her do.  She puts on lipgloss, then sits on the edge of the bathtub and lights a cigarette.  While she is sitting there, she closes her eyes and suddenly she is on a bed, struggling.  She looks up and sees Kyle above her.  He's choking her and she is fighting against him and then suddenly it goes dark.  Suddenly, Zoe shakes her head, throws her cigarette in the toilet and flushes the toilet with her foot before walking out of the bathroom.  She's wearing a black dress and as she walks down the hallway she passes Queenie who asks her if the dress she is wearing is Madison's.  She replies, "What if it is?  She doesn't need it anymore".   As she gets closer to Queenie, she leans over and says, "I'm wearing her crotchless panties too".  She walks past her and down the hallway to find Kyle and kisses him hard, grabbing at him, and then walks past him towards her room.  He remarks that she has been acting strangely, and asks if she is ok.  She turns around at the doorway to her room, flashes a smile and tells him, "I'm more than ok.  I'm alive."  The door slams shut.

Papa Legba sits snorting cocaine while Fiona makes her way to the living room.  She scoffs, looks around the room and tells him she can't decide what is worse: the knotty pine or the paisley sofa.  Fiona pleads with Papa Legba to help her and asks him how she gets out of there, how to get out of her deal with the Axeman.  Papa Legba tells her there is a way to get out of the deal she made, that she could leave that place but it would require other sacrifices that she might not be willing to make.  Fiona tells him that anything could be better than this mundane, ordinary existence with someone content to eat catfish for breakfast.

Zoe wakes up in the main room of the house, but everything is dark, grey and cold.  There is little light, the fireplace is cold and everything is shadowy.  Zoe walks through the house, calling out and looking for the other witches.  She goes up the stairs and towards her room.  There is a light on and the door is cracked and she walks in on Kyle and Madison in flagrante.  Madison pulls back slowly, covering herself up and staring triumphantly at Zoe.  Kyle wraps a blanket around himself and walks towards Zoe, telling her that it is over, he doesn't want to be with her and he doesn't love her.  Then Zoe wakes up on the couch again and completes the loop through the cold dark house.

"It's over.  I want to be with Madison.  I don't love you."

Zoe wakes on the couch again.  At the bottom of the stairs Zoe realizes that she must be in hell.  She tries to slow down. She tries not to continue up the stairs but she can't stop.  She slowly, reluctantly walks towards the open door.  The door opens, Kyle and Madison are on the bed in the same position but there is someone sitting on the bed by the door smoking.

The handsomely beautiful figure (played by the incredible Tilda Swinton in all her androgynous glory), rises from the bed wearing some kind of fabulous twist on a pantsuit.  She is red-haired, and wearing red.  She tells Zoe she can make it stop and she can help her get out.

The mysterious figure in red tells Zoe that she is Cupid and she has come to help her in the name of true love.  When Zoe questions the figure's identity, Cupid explains that that Cupid is Androgynous despite all the figures and paintings depicting a chubby, arrow-wielding, diaper-wearing child and that she prefers being referred to as a Her as women are the more tender and capable of love in all it's various forms.  Cupid explains that when Kyle was exacting his revenge on Madison for not resurrecting Zoe, Cordelia was attempting to bring her back and unfortunately, Madison's spiteful and desperate soul was closer to Zoe's body and now she's taken it over.

Having struck a deal of some kind with Papa Legba, Fiona begins standing in front of all the mirrors and calling out to Cordelia and the new students in the house, begging for help whenever the Axeman isn't around.  Cordelia thinks she is seeing things, that perhaps she has some unresolved Mommy-issues in spite of seemingly making peace with Fiona so she says nothing.  Eventually, one of the new witches starts seeing Fiona in the reflections on everything from water pitchers at dinner to the mirrors in the bedrooms and decides to try and help her.

Cupid brings Zoe back to take down Madison.  Unfortunately, because her body is occupied Zoe needs another "vessel".  She comes back as Nan because Nan had the purest heart and because Misty (the only other option) died while she was in Hell and still has not broken the loop. 

Unfortunately, Zoe isn't the only person coming back from hell.  The new student finds a book with the help of Fiona and finds a way to bring her back, only Fiona doesn't come back as a human she comes back as a spirit much like the Axeman did.  She is trapped in the house but hides her presence from Cordelia by hanging out in the attic, drinking liquor out of tea cups with Spalding and his dolls.  Her presence doesn't escape Queenie, however, who suspects rodents have gotten into the house and reports hearing noises and smelling cigarette smoke .  When Cordelia becomes aware of her presence, she releases Fiona from her imprisonment in the house in spite of Fiona's protestations and attempted warnings about Papa Legba.  Cordelia chooses not to listen and bans her from every returning to the house her from EVER being able to harm another ever again.  Fiona's ghost walks out past the gates and down the street into a foggy, New Orleans street without ever revealing the conditions of the deal she had made. 

Cupid helps Zoe form a plan to get Madison out of her body, but she has to work around Kyle who suspects something is "off" with the person he believes to be Nan.  Madison realizes what is going on and organizes a group of the new girls and enlists their help by telling them that there is a spirit in the house that needs to be released and moved on.  The reality is that the spell would exorcise Zoe from Nan's body and send her to Hell forever.  There are girls who question Madison but are quickly shot down by her condescending attitude and are intimidated by her Counsel Member status. 

When the girls are performing the spell, Zoe brings Cordelia to the attention of the actions of Madison Montgomery and the students.  In a last ditch, desperate and totally cliche move Madison tells Zoe that if she can't have Kyle then no one will and she sends an Athame from the ceremony the students are performing at rapid speed towards his neck.  Zoe, throws herself in front of Kyle and takes the athame and as Nan's body lays dying in Kyle's arms, Cupid shows up and fires an arrow straight at Madison/Zoe's body.  The arrow knocks Madison out of Zoe's body which crumples to the ground, and pins Madison's spirit to the wall where she is unable to get free. 

Nan's body died again.  Zoe rises and is guided back to her own body.  Cupid then give Zoe a potion, Love Potion #9, which reunites Zoe with her body.  As she begins to wake up, Papa Legba approaches Madison who is still pinned to the wall by Cupid's arrow.  Cupid approaches and Papa Legba explains that Madison has escaped him multiple times before that he was owed a soul promised to him by the former Supreme.  Cupid says she has no use for the loveless soul and both she and the arrow disappear. 

Madison wakes up at the farm where Fiona was formerly imprisoned, only when she wakes up and leaves the bedroom she finds Papa Legba sitting at the table.  Madison asks him what the hell she is doing there because it wasn't her version of hell.

Papa Legba explains to her that he had made a deal with Fiona, that if she could get someone to get her out of hell that she would send Papa Legba a soul to be his companion.  But then Fiona was exorcised and bound without completing her end of the deal.  Madison was the first soul to pass and so he was going to keep her at the farm with him for the rest of eternity... 

*That's FIRST Secret Subject Swap....I hope I did it justice*


  1. I have to say, you DID do it justice! I am CRAZY behind on American Horror Story. I've only seen the first season. But I did love it and I could see this being an episode.

  2. Omg....I've been SO nervous about it. Thanks Sarah!

  3. OMG, I'm witnessing a screenwriter in the making!

  4. WOW!!!!! AWESOME!!! I've only watched part of this season but I agree with Sarah, it would totally work!!! :D

  5. I have heard great things about the show and it sure looks like you could write for them!

  6. I haven't watched any of the episodes of Coven, but if it is anything like your story I think I'm going to need to find me a copy of this series. This was so well written and absorbing I loved every minute of it.

  7. You rocked that prompt, girl! I still haven't seen an episode of the show, but I love Jessica Lange. (and your 'episode'). Add one more TV series to my list. You should be working PR for them :)

  8. I have never watched this show (I am kind of a wimp) but feel like I should catch up before they film your episode. So good! Congrats on rocking your first swap. XOXO

  9. OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG....I LOVE, LOVE IT, LOVE IT....We don't have reg cable, so I have to wait for the 3rd season to be on netflix or amazon prime for free..I lvoed the first two seasons and can't wait for more. I love how took the prompt and did such an amazing job. I always forget the prompts I give to Karen and it;s such a nice surprise to see them again and how they are used....OMG, did I mention how much I love your post!!!! LOVE IT!!!!