Sunday, February 23, 2014

Sunday Confessions: Bringing Sexy Back


Today's Sunday Confession prompt:
Bringing Sexy Back

Interesting topic...considering I never really had sexy.  Wait...scratch that.  I had sexy once but I didn't really even know I had it.  There are people who will tell you I still have it, but to be honest with you...I don't see it.  Which brings me to the question...what is sexy?

I think everyone has this idea of what sexy is supposed to be...lingerie, makeup, hair, and whatever else.  But...I can't help but think there has got to be more to it than that and I say that as someone who has felt sexy when she considered herself unsexy.  

I've been chronically unsexy for awhile now.  My ex didn't make me feel sexy in the last year we were together.  Now I'm single and wondering what the benefits of feeling sexy are when I don't really have a need to.  But then I wonder if it isn't important to feel sexy sometimes. 

Here's what I do know:

When I take care of myself, I feel sexy.  And I don't mean that in a gym rat kind of way.  I mean...I feel better when I do things like shave my legs, get a haircut, or moisturize.  I've felt sexy rocking a ponytail.  I just know that sometimes making a small change or doing just a little bit more (like putting on some pretty lip gloss) can make a huge difference.

 Sometimes...I find that a little something new helps me feel good.  A new scent, a new eyeshadow, a new lipgloss...hell, I enjoy new sock day.  There's always this emphasis on lingerie.  Ugh.  Isn't lingerie tired?  Sometimes, I feel sexy just putting on a thong (I don't wear them all the time anymore...I just feel too old for that shit these days).  But...sometimes something like new pajamas that are super soft or extra silky is nice, especially if you keep the matching pieces together.

Men are strange creatures.  Seriously.  I say this because I've had moments at my most unsexy where some man has still been interested.  I once had the world's nastiest head cold (it later turned into pneumonia).  I couldn't breathe.  I was hacking and wheezing.  I was blowing snot everywhere.  I didn't bother brushing my hair because I kept getting in the hot shower to breathe in the steam.  I hadn't showered in a day...and I definitely hadn't brushed my teeth.  And yet, the boyfriend-that-was was STILL interested.  Like...would not leave me alone interested.  I know some men out there really care about the theatrics, but when you get down to the sexual nitty gritty...I really don't think they give a shit what you look like when you're offering a blow job.  Sometimes, remembering this helps because I know that just about anything I do...there's a man out there who thinks it's hot. 

I think personal time is important.  I think if there is anything my last relationship taught me, it's that there is a difference between intimacy and not giving a shit.  My ex...didn't give a shit.  I think a part of intimacy is being comfortable around each other, seeing parts of the other person you the general public doesn't get to see.  But I think there needs to be a line.  For example, my ex didn't think twice about coming in and using the bathroom when I was doing my hair.  I'm used to things like that...I grew up in a house of women, just about anyone can pee in front of me and I wont care.  But to have a grown man come in, drop trow, pop a squat and ask for a kiss while pooping?  I was offended by the pooping part alone.  And while farts are a natural have someone wave them at you all the time is just disgusting.  I know I didn't feel good when I couldn't even wash myself without someone coming in and staring at me.  

I rarely, RARELY talk about the benefits of working out.  I just don't do the working out thing.  But I do know that when I go to Hot Yoga once a week, a feel really good about telling people I'm going to yoga or I do yoga.  That feels good.  I think people who don't do the gym thing should try and find something to say they do...the pride feels good.  

I'm a flirt.  I'm not against a little bit of flirting because I believe it is good for you.  And I know that it feel NICE when people want to flirt with you because it is a boost to the esteem.  So...I think people should flirt.  Appropriately, of course.  Keep it to words and compliments, no touching and don't go over the top.  

Also...I've found that when you compliment someone and it makes them feel good, they'll want to return the favor.  So...tell people when they look good.  Tell people when you notice something about their appearance.  This opens a dialogue, they'll be looking at you now...and they'll be telling you when you look good.  It's a give thing....give someone a compliment and they'll feel good, pass it on, and be more willing to give you one.

Get physical...solo.  I totally just went there.  I really and truly believe that pushing your own buttons sometimes is healthy.  Being in your own head, with your own thoughts/fantasies, being intimate with yourself, knowing your body, appreciating your body...have you ever considered what an awesome, amazing thing an orgasm is?  And the best can get yourself to that point!  Like...people take it for granted.  Plus...if things are slow with the significant other, sometimes getting things moving helps.

The truth is....I think sexy is a feeling not a hard-bodied, lingerie wearing thing.  I think we should all strive to be sexier.  Do things that make us feel pampered, even if it is just new socks.  Say good things to each other.  Keep the not so awesome things just a little more private.  Do something for ourselves.  Give ourselves something to brag about that is more physical.  Appreciate your own body and it's ability to do amazing things.  I'm trying to get my sexy back, we all should be. 


  1. I love this post! I'm definitely a believer that "sexy" is a state of mind rather than a state of being. Plus, I love that you "went there" with going solo (even if when I read "get physical solo" the first time I imagined Olivia Newton John singing). I think sometimes as moms we forget that we are also sexual beings. Sometimes being alone with yourself is a good way of reminding yourself of that without the insecurities that come along with having another person involved. Great post.