Sunday, February 16, 2014

Dear X Love

Welcome to another Sunday Confessions!  I hope everyone is having a great weekend!  If you choose to link up this week, please remember to link to me or snag the snazzy "Dear X Love" button into your blog!

MoreThanCheeseandBeer

Today's Sunday Confession prompt:
Dear X Love



Dear X Love,

When we got together, it was a fluke.  You loved me, supported me and adored me for years as my friend and I never thought you would hurt me.  In many ways, our relationship only seemed natural.

I loved you more than you will ever know and I never really got over our breakup.  I believed that everything that had happened in my life that had left internal scars had screwed me up so bad that I was unlovable.  I excused every hurtful thing you did with a criticism of myself because I believed that you were such a good person that there must have been something I was doing to make you act that way.  I believed that if you as someone who had loved me for so long couldn't love me for who I was and felt the need to treat me so poorly that I must have deserved it.

I had trouble letting you go after we broke up, a fact you were well aware of.   You took advantage of my love for you on many occasions, hurting me every time and I always forgave you because I could always find a way to blame myself, except for this last time.

When you came back into my life, I swore to myself that I wouldn't make the mistakes I made before and be all the things that drove you away.  I said I wouldn't fall hard and fast for you again and get burned for it.  In the end, it really didn't matter what I did.  Only this time I realize, I don’t think any of it was ever my fault.

What I’m trying to say is…Thank you for breaking my heart again in the utterly disgusting way that you did last time because it showed me (finally) that I am a person with flaws and you are a flawed person.  There is a difference.  I always believed that there was something wrong with me and that the things that had happened to me in my life made me unlovable and that was what drove you away.  I now realize that my scars are what make me a better person because I learned about things like acceptance, compassion, decency and empathy when I got them.  I strive to be a good person while you inherently believe yourself to be a good person as you intentionally scar others with your complete lack of compassion, decency, honor, integrity and class.

I've realized that you and I have never been on the same page in our development as people.  If we were books, not only would we be on opposite ends of the store, but we'd be at different reading levels.  But that’s ok.  I’m glad that we walked part of our journeys with each other.  In my own way, I'm glad I was finally able to say "Goodbye" to you.  In the past, I was never allowed to have any kind of closure because you never actually ended it...you just walked away like a coward.  It hurt, but something tells me that things are going to work out just fine now that I have a new outlook.

Thank you for the beautiful memories, and while I wish the lessons hadn't been so hard to learn there is a part of me that knows the ones that make you struggle are the most important.  I wish you bountiful harvests and hope you are blessed with all of the experiences you need to make you whole.


MoreThanCheeseandBeer
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3 comments:

  1. Someday he will wake up and realize what he lost. Love yourself first, as God doesn't make junk. Beautiful post, thanks.

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  2. Wow. Just - wow. "hope you are blessed with all the experience you need to make you whole". That, my friends, is pretty dang awesome.

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  3. Oh how I wish that I had the courage to wish my first love some happiness.....This Hussy is still stuck in anger and resentment. Sometimes, that is. <3

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