Sunday, April 20, 2014

Sunday Confessions: LET

Welcome to another week of Sunday Confessions!  There are some holiday today so.... Happy Easter!  Happy 420! and Happy Half-Price Cadbury Egg Day!  Happy Peep Genocide!

I'm glad you've joined me for another week.


This weeks prompt:
LET

Let it go.
Let it happen.
Live and let live.

Let is such a small word with such a huge meaning.  It sounds so simple to say those trite little things...

Let it be.
Let go and let God.
Let go of the things that do not serve you.

You know, I love Bonehead.  Love the guy like crazy and part of the reason is sometimes amidst all of the downright corny things he says to me, he says something and it's like a golden nugget in a pile of corn. Seven years ago, I was struggling to let go of a friendship that has gone so South that almost every interaction left me emotionally exhausted.  I've always been a firm believer that ending friendships can be just as bad or worse than the breakup of a relationship.  I was struggling with it pretty hard and Bonehead said to me:

Sometimes in Life, there are things/people we have to let go in order for them to grow in their own way.

It sounds so simple. doesn't it?  That idea that we need to let people go in order for them to grow.  I won't lie, sometimes I've thought that it means that I was holding them back and that thought has made me sad.  But looking back at the times I've needed to let people in my life go...many times I've been a part of the problem as an enabler, sometimes acting like things were ok when they weren't was really hurting both of us, and sometimes losing me as a part of their life seemed to need to be a part of their rock bottom.

At the beginning of this year, I decided I was going to work towards becoming the person I want and feel I'm supposed to be.  I've been striving to let go of the past.  I've been working to live and let live when it comes to people and things who no longer serve me.  I've been working on my own walls, tearing down things that let me keep people out because I've realized that there are people out there who love me for me if I let them.

I ended a horrible emotionally abusive relationship seven months ago.  Working to heal after letting someone treat me so poorly for so long, I was forced to see how I accepted and tolerated things like manipulation, and chronic put-downs from him because I let other people who are close to me treat me in similar ways.

This sounds terrible, but I'm ready for people to let me go.  I've reached a point where I want people in my life who want to be around me.  I don't want to be tolerated.  I don't want to be in the lives of people who feel they need to be mean, manipulative or abusive in their interactions with me.  I don't want people who keep me around because of what they believe I can be, or what they know I can do for them.  I want people who want me around because they think I'm great just the way I am, but are willing to support me in whatever direction I want to go in as long as I am striving to improve myself as a person.

I believe there is a difference between a person with flaws and a flawed person; I don't want people who don't understand that there is a difference, people who can't understand that I have flaws, or people who can't love me in spite of my flaws in my life anymore.

I make mistakes every day and I am aware that sometimes those mistakes hurt people.  I no longer want people in my life who think that I am deliberately hurtful, people who find me malicious, or people who aren't willing to accept my apology and help me grow.

My goodwill has been abused lately and I've been left feeling butthurt about it.  In my heart of hearts, I believe that people who do that know what they are doing.  If you don't enjoy me, my sense of humor, my opinions, think I'm a good friend or a good person, or struggle to be there for me the ways you expect me to be there for you...don't take advantage of me by letting me pay for more than half the check because you're hard up for cash, borrow money from me, ask me for favors, or ask me to do things for you "as a friend" that you wouldn't do for me.

I just want people who want to be a part of my journey, not take me away from it, distract me, or let me travel their path and attempt to make it better while I don't travel my own.  I want people who love me for everything I am, everything I'm not, and seek to grow with me to be the best people we can be.  Perhaps I'm asking too much, but right now in my life...if you can't be happy for me, if I don't bring some kind of happiness/joy/friendship/laughter/love into your life, if you think ugly things about me, if the only good things you have to say about me are the things I do for you, please...let me go so that I may grow in my own way.



5 comments:

  1. It is never asking too much to want to grow & be loved in the way you want. It is, really, all any of us ever truly need from the moment we are born. To be supported and nurtured on our journey.
    I have, on more than one occasion in my life, let go of friendships that were not working. People I loved dearly & completely, but whom I felt I either could not support or serve as a positive person in their life. People who brought negative energy into my world that I could not find a way around or through, and so they were - consciously or not - filling me with negativity. So I had to face the fact that in order to preserve the love I felt I had to walk away.
    The most amazing thing happened. More than one of those friendships survived the silence. The journey of Life brought me back to relationship I once thought were lost to darkness & time. There is still distance to be crossed, but with both of us in the light, there is renewed hope.

    ReplyDelete
  2. First of all, good for you for getting out of an emotionally abusive relationship. That takes extreme courage, no matter the.circumstances. You invested in yourself so bravo!

    It's not to much to ask to be loved for being you. Just remember to love those that do and forget about those who don't.

    ReplyDelete
  3. It's amazing how much sanity people like Bonehead for you and Robert for me bring to our lives. The kernels of truth you think that wouldn't understand or would have forgotten hit you like a sucker punch straight to the solar plexus and you think you'd never make it through without them sometimes...

    It sounds like you're going through a transformation sort of like a Phoenix, and I think that's needed after the relationship you just got out of (good for you for having the strength to leave when so many people never do). Plenty of us (even if we're friends in the virtual sense) are here to support and appreciate the new you.

    ReplyDelete
  4. It is never too much to surround yourself with the people who love you for who you are. Quality trumps quantity when it comes to friendships. Do what you have to do for yourself. Those who are truly worth it will be there waiting for you!

    ReplyDelete
  5. "I believe there is a difference between a person with flaws and a flawed person; I don't want people who don't understand that there is a difference,"

    That. That right there is brilliant.

    I'm happy for you that you are beginning a journey to your authentic self and proud (shit, that's cheesy since I don't really 'know' you) that you have the balls to put it out there.

    ReplyDelete