Sunday, April 6, 2014

Sunday Confessions: TIME

Thanks Everyone for showing up while I don't feel well!  Much appreciated! 

MoreThanCheeseandBeer

When I was born, my Mom was in labor for days.  She reminds me of that fact a lot.  I like to tell people that I don't run on regular time or reservation time, I run on Ashley time...which means it'll happen, I will get there, or I will get it done when I'm ready.  That being said, there is a part of me that feels like I'm running behind right now. 


I feel like I'm losing time.  I feel like time goes by faster and faster the older I get and sometimes when I look back I laugh at how my hair has changed as time went by, marking each time in my life with a different color.  Now, I feel like I'm running out of time before hair dye becomes a necessity not an accessory, and I need to grow up and be someone I fought to be when I was younger and don't want to be now. 


Me at 21.  Yup, even Hot Ash has made a duck face.  I wish I could remember what I was using on my hair at the time.  But...check out my rainbow eye shadow!


Ahhh, 24.  Recently dumped, decided to see if blondes really do have more fun.  

25.  Can you see the pink streaks?  I loved them so much. 

On my 26th birthday.  I feel like I looked so orange.

I feel like I'm running out of time to do certain things that took me years to be brave enough to do.  I decided to put pink streaks in my hair at 24, now at 28 I miss my pink hair but feel like I should be more professional.  I love my lip piercings...a Valentine's Day gift to myself this year, but I think about getting a second job and feel like maybe getting them wasn't the most practical thing from an employment perspective.  I wish I would have just been silly and crazy as a teen instead of constantly trying to be older and "mature".

I feel like I keep learning lessons the hard way.  Lessons I should have learned by now because I've made them a time or two already, but somehow I didn't see that the situations were the same. 

I'm struggling with feeling like I'm supposed to have my life "together".  I have so many friends who are married, having children, buying homes.  When I was 20 years old, I wanted to own my own home by 25.  I'm a few years past that now and honestly, I like my home and my living situation but I'm still disappointed because I feel like that is an avenue my life was supposed to have gone down by down.  I would even go so far as to say I'm purposely failing adulthood, and feeling guilty about it. 



I recently saw a meme that said "Be the person you needed when you were younger".  I'm not sure how to take that.  Somehow, I feel like when I was younger I spent so much time trying to be what I needed for myself.  I was always trying to take care of things.  I worried about adult things that I didn't need to worry about.  I was always trying to be in charge, more mature, take care of everyone and everything.



Now I'm 28 years old, doing all of the things I was too "mature" to do before because I WANT to do them.  However, I'm pushing so hard to have these experiences that I feel like some sad, desperate woman clinging to her youth.   Not to say I'm not still young, but damn...there's so much I wish I would have done before time was important.  I want to be the person I should have been when I was younger.  

I really miss my pink hair.




5 comments:

  1. I know how you feel. Believe me, being married, owning a home, or having kids does not meat that you have your sh*t together or that you don't miss who you were when you were young. I think all the time about the things I wished I'd done when I was young or that I'd enjoyed the things I did do to their fullest. We just have to remember that we still have plenty of time to do them! Although, with little kids around I just know I'm gonna blink and be 40! Thanks for sharing :-)

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  2. I'm 32 and I'd still rock pink streaks in my hair. I probably will do so when I'm 80 :)

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  3. There is nothing sad or desperate for wanting to get all the experience you can under your belt-as long as it's something you want to do enjoy yourself .

    Better to live with "Oh wells" than "What ifs".

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  4. Hey lady. I totally get how you feel about achieving certain things by a certain time in your life. I've kinda felt this way recently, and my very smart and reasonable brother continues to remind me of all the things I've accomplished so far instead. And he's absolutely right. I should be spending that energy I burn appreciating what I have and getting a grip on making myself happy, instead of wallowing in my "damn I shoulda done this" type of thinking.

    I think the important thing to remember in situations like this is that what you've done so far has value, and just think of the cool things you've done/seen/experienced, people you've met, memories you've made, etc. That will make you feel a little more at ease instead of concentrating on smaller, and perhaps, mildly unattainable missed goals.

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  5. Life as a twenty-something is weird and confusing. I keep telling my sister that I can't wait to be 30. I'm assuming that in 4 years I'll have it more figured out, but who knows. Life keeps throwing crazy things my way, and yet time keeps moving forward.

    On a semi-unrelated note, that was fun to see the transformation that your hair has gone through in the past few years. I go through the same cycle every couple of years, which consists of cutting it super short, loving it for a while, eventually getting sick of it, and not cutting it for way too long. Eventually, I decide that I hate it again and chop it off. And the cycle repeats.

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