Sunday, May 11, 2014

Sunday Confessions: Motherhood

Today's Sunday Confession prompt:

As a childless wonder, this whole Motherhood thing is quite the phenomenon to behold.

It is amazing really.

Not everyone rises to the occasion, perhaps the fact that I truly do believe that all mothers are not created equal makes me part of the problem...part of the collective pressure so many of the wonderful, incredible mothers around me feel to be the "perfect" mom.

Motherhood is scary.  In Eat, Pray, Love Elizabeth Gilbert writes that “Having a baby is like getting a tattoo on your face. You really need to be certain it's what you want before you commit.”  Perhaps that is why I've never had kids.  That and face tattoos always make me think of Mike Tyson.  Mike Tyson is crazy, and he has some serious balls.

I just said balls in a post about Motherhood that I'm posting on Mother's Day.  But let's be honest, when you sign up to be a mom you kind of need some.

My own Mom is a badass little lady.  My mom is 5'2 and could probably take out any one of her children, all of which outgrew her by about 14.  She seems like a nice little middle aged woman in her yoga pants and toe sandals, but I'm telling mom is badass.  I was as asshole as a kid, and I tried to drive my mom crazy.  She may have even actually lost her mind a few times.  But she never stopped being my cheerleader, my reality check, the person I went to when I was expected to take on a motherhood role and had no idea what I was doing, and the person who tried so hard to teach me to use my powers for good, not evil.  And since I've already said balls a few times I might as well add that she has gone balls to the walls for me more times than I can count.

Sometimes, I wonder if my mom feels or once felt the same pressure that some of the moms I know now feel.  Is it the Internet that makes so many women I know feel so inadequate?  Is it the availability of so much knowledge about any given decision?  Did my mom ever feel inadequate for not making me rainbow pasta?

But I realize that if you care enough to feel like you're bring driven crazy.  I think you're doing something right.

I once told someone that I was too selfish to have kids.  That my greatest fear about having kids is that I would never be able to give them everything, the best life I could give them, teach them the rights things, stand by and watch them learn the hard lessons they have to learn on their own, that my genes wouldn't be fit to pass on to anyone, and that not-having kids would allow me to not lose my mind.  They told me I would be a great mom because if I wasn't meant to be, I wouldn't already worry about a child I didn't even have.

Being a good mother isn't about rainbow pasta.  It isn't about the commercialism so much of our society holds dear.  It isn't even about being right all the time.  It's about being crazy.  Being crazy enough to go ahead and see what happens when you roll the dice and make a baby because there's a good change it'll have it's father's crazy hair.  It's being crazy enough to do stupid silly things just to make the baby laugh, or take a nap.  It's being crazy enough to worry about whether to vaccinate or not vaccinate, breast or bottle, cloth diaper or pampers, being green or clinging to cleaners that boast 99.9% less germs instead of just doing what is easiest.  It's being crazy enough to make another baby when the first one already makes you feel like pulling out your hair, and then starting the process over again.

My Mom is crazy.  She had me, then went back and made two more.  I'm not even including all of the other kids she's taken under her wing like my "adopted" sister, or the countless friends who have spent a huge part of their lives under the watchful eye of my badass little Mom.

So, here's my Sunday Confession...  I don't know if I'll ever experience motherhood.  I don't know if I could do it.  But in the last few years, I've come to believe that being a good mom isn't about being perfect... it's about having big balls, being crazy and being badass.

Happy Mother's Day to all of you out there to all of you crazies who have kids, want kids, couldn't have kids, or just have/had a badass Mom.


  1. I love this post. You're right. Motherhood is about being crazy.

  2. What a beautiful reminder to all the moms/moms-to-be out there that there is no cookie cutter mold of perfection to fit into.

    Thank goodness for all the different parenting types out there it gives us all different attitudes, perspectives & personalities! :-)