Thursday, August 14, 2014

Friday Feats & Fails 8/15/2014

Welcome to another Friday Feats & Fails!  Our Special Guest this week is the gorgeous, make you pee yourself hilarious, Tracy on the Rocks!  I have to say... I'm realizing how fickle I am because if your blog has an awesome name, I'm definitely more willing to give you a first look.  And as someone who has spent a fair amount of time "on ice" for a back injury and has called herself "Hot Ash on the Rocks" in the past... Tracy on the Rocks was almost a shoo in.

But... the woman DID NOT disappoint.  I think the first post I read might have been the hilarious If You Didn't Shit Your Pants, You're Fired!  I laughed out loud when I read that and I've followed her ever since.  And the thing is... I adore Tracy because she is frickin hilarious, but also because her stories sound a lot like my stories.  I mean, The Suit Story actually happened to me once with a pair of grey pants and my hemming job looked just like hers.  I've gotten Tracy to write a few Sunday Confessions for me and in April she wrote a Sunday Confession about Lessons called The Whites: A Lesson for Men; It was while reading about her shoving melted caramel, coconut cookie disaster into her mouth while yelling, "See, it’s like…it’s like he WANTS me to be fat!!! FUCKER!!!" that I realized that Tracy and I could really be incredible friends.

Tracy, how I love thee, let me count the ways!  She talks about drinking wine.  She tells Auntie Stories (I'm an I can TOTALLY relate and see the cute in EVERY SINGLE ONE).  She is sarcastic, awesome, and frickin' hilarious.  The thing I love most is that she inspires me to work towards being a better writer by writing about experiences we "share" in a way that I wish I could.

You can find her posting shenanigans on Facebook, and read Tracy's stories in all of their comedic glory at Tracy on the Rocks.  If you love me, you'll love her... you won't regret it.  I hope you'll go check her out!

On to the Feats & Fails!


-  I totally cried in the Walgreens' parking lot on Friday.

-  My landlord left town this weekend.  On Saturday, I snuck down to his basement to use his washer/dryer because they're bigger than mine and I desperately needed to wash all of the blankets in my house.  I tossed his dirty laundry in the sink and planned on tossing it back in when I was done.  No harm, no foul and he would never know the difference.

Wrong.  So wrong.  To make a long story short, the basement flooded a little and I got bleach water on his clothes, which I then washed.  Because I like to keep it incredibly fucking awkward.

-  Sunday Night: I didn't follow my own fucking recipe.  I ended up burning squash.  Then made the sauce too thick for my stir fry.  It still tastes good, but it has the texture of glop.  And I made a shit ton because I wanted leftovers.  #dumbass

-  Brian the Foot Guy has officially surpassed me in searches for my website on Google.  Which wouldn't bother me so much if I weren't being contacted and sent foot photos from people with reading and comprehension problems who miss the bright red lettering that states, "PLEASE DO NOT CONTACT ME ABOUT THIS OFFER. IF YOU ARE INTERESTED, PLEASE CONTACT BRIAN DIRECTLY.  I WILL NOT RESPOND TO REQUESTS TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THIS OFFER AS I AM NOT THE ONE POSTING IT.  THANK YOU."

Yet week after week I get comments and emails and foot photos from people who don't get that 1. I am not the one making this offer and 2. I am not Brian the Foot Guy.  I can't even begin to tell you how many coy/flirty messages I receive...I have no idea how Brian does it because some of these women are ridiculous.  All I did was write the interview and I can get anywhere from 1-3+ messages a week.

Four people searched for me in the last week. 4. 

- Robin Williams death.  Need I say more?  While his passing was hard and traumatic enough, what happened in the days following was just as hard.  I wrote about it.... Fear and Loathing in the Aftermath of Robin Williams.

+  I received a wonderful care package in the mail from my friend Debra and I got to spend Friday night munching snackies and taking some much needed time for myself.  I definitely needed that box of love.

+  The Union at the company I work for didn't go on strike.  It wouldn't have affected me, just made my day harder.

+  New Bras.  Because sometimes you just have to give in and buy new Hooter Holders.

+  I got to spend some much needed time with my Mom this week.  Sometimes you just need your mom. 

+  I actually cooked this week.

+  I'm feeling better and more focused.  Baby steps, but getting there. 

Super Thanks to Tracy for joining us this week!


  1. Thank you thank you THANK YOU for featuring me- I feel so honored to be in the presence of such great Cheesy Royalty- I am cracking up at the fact that Brian the Foot guy is driving so much traffic to your site...I guess that is a feat AND a fail. ha! Your laundry ooopsie is so relatable. And lastly, raise your hand if you HAVEN'T cried in a Walgreens parking lot?! Thanks for keeping it real, Ash- this week's post is awesome! (and not just because it feature moi....) Anyone who hasn't read Fear and Loathing in the Aftermath of Robin Williams needs to do it- Right. Now.

    1. Thank you for agreeing to be my Featured Guest!

      No... it isn't the first time I've cried in the parking lot and Walgreens. I guess I just keep hoping I'll grow out of that shit or something.

  2. Dear Brian the foot guy...
    Oh, wait. Wrong number.
    Happy Friday. I didn't get a Feat & Fail post up this week but I will next week!
    Robin Williams' death - definitely a fail. He's been a comic icon since....well, since forever. I was, I was very, very young when Mork & Mindy came out.
    Have a great weekend! I look forward to the Sunday confessions.

  3. WHOA! The "Big butt ass mommiess" is seriously creepin' me out! How does one find YOUR blog with THAT search??!! lol