Sunday, August 17, 2014


This Week's Sunday Confession prompt:

Life has been full of change; I look back, and I can't believe how much has changed in my life since August of last year.  I'd like to think that I'm growing.  I'd like to think that things are moving in the right direction for me, and that I'm making progress towards the person I want to be and the type of person I believe I can be and I can't help but think about the past. 

I had just turned 8 when my little brother was born.  He was a chubby baby who later turned into a curly haired little toddler who loved to hang out with his big sisters and their friends.  And all of our friends loved him...a sleepover wasn't a sleepover without my brother toddling around and watching movies with the girls.

When we got older, it wasn't unusual for me to babysit from time to time.  They used to play Bond movies every other Saturday night on ABC, so my mom would give us money for pizza and snacks, drop my sister off wherever she was having her weekend sleepover as she was that age where there was always a sleepover at someone's house, and go out and listen to music in town for a few hours.  My brother and I would stay in, order pizza and hang out on the couch eating junk food and watching James Bond.

When we got older and I got my own apartment, I would drive across town to pick him up and we would hang out watching cable tv until late in the night.  Now that we're even older, we do things like have Resident Evil marathons (rendering me afraid of the dark for much of my adult life), and I still owe the kid an Aliens marathon (I've only seen Alien vs. Predator).  My brother first introduced me to Zombieland and I bought him his first Toppers pizza years ago.   

This is just what we do.  Pizza and a movie, and we tell stories and catch up. 

I spent tonight hanging out with my little brother.  I guess I can't really call him my little brother anymore because he towers over me.  I'm still trying to figure out how my parents created a child that is 3+ inches taller than either one of them and most of the people on either side of the family. 

But I digress. 

I picked up dessert and snacks and we were going to watch Sharknado 2 (we have a love for stupid movies) but settled for Rapturepalooza and some Mark Wahlberg movie I've seen before.  

Eventually, my mom came home and it was just like old times.  My little giant brother and I on the couch, and mom in the recliner watching the end of some movie until late at night.  Then Mom eventually falls asleep, and we watch the rest of the movie until it ends and I collect my stuff, and remind him not to turn the porch light off until I reach my car because I'm afraid of zombies.  

As I drove home tonight, I thought about all the changes of the past few years.  I'm an incredibly annoying big sister and I have cried at every milestone moment of my brother's life. 

Every. Single. One. 

When he went to Kindergarten.  When I had to drop him off at the daycare before school.  When he started middle school.  When he went to his first dance.  When he went to high school.  When he got his driver's license.  When he graduated.  When he got his first job.  When he graduated college. 

I cried every time.  My entire family teases me about it.  

But with everything that has changed... like the fact that my chubby baby brother is now tall and lanky and grows weird facial hair, there is something comforting about the occasional night of cramming on the couch for crappy movies and junk food.

And I know someday that will change.  Maybe he'll meet a nice girl, decide he wants to get married and make babies (or have 5 wiener dogs, or something) and then there wont be pepperoni pizzas with stuffed crust & extra cheese, no movies with D-list celebrities and cheap special effects and he'll want to do Saturday Night movies with his wife and his family. 

I've been trying to embrace the changes in my life, and sometimes I feel a little lost.  But nights like this are what bring me back to myself, and I hope we never stop having them.  It might be unrealistic, but this is one thing I hope never changes. 


  1. Awww! That is super sweet! I have a brother that is 9 years younger than me and I was super close to him too! (Now he lives on the other side of the state with his fiance) And I have found that as I get older I am waaaaay more emotional about "momentous occasions" (and non-momentous too, who am I kidding!) and catch myself getting teary-eyed a lot! Don't feel bad! lol

  2. It is sooo sweet. I hope that my children have as close a relationship as you do. My sister and I are two years apart and we've never been close. They always said we would be when we got older, but I think we're just too stubborn to do it just because they say we should.

  3. Love this post Ash, it is beautiful and full of love.

  4. This made me miss spending time with my siblings! It's such a special connection. I, too, cry at their milestones so you're not alone. Ha! I really enjoyed reading this! Thanks for hosting this link-up.

  5. I love this post. it made me a little emotional. ok a lot emotional! It made me think of my sister's and how we used to spend so much time togetherand now it just gets harder. My cousins who I spent every summer with and I only see when I have to go to a funeral. Life changes.. and its hard to watch it change when they take people away!