Sunday, August 10, 2014

Sex

This Week's Prompt:
SEX

Sex.

I have not had any lately. Which is a damn shame because if we are being honest, I could probably use the stress relief. It would appear, however, that there are people I know who think I have problems meeting people who interested in me sexually.

Interesting.

There seems to be this idea that when you are a bigger woman, you have problems attracting interested members of the opposite sex. I guess no one told them that there is no rule that says you have to be "fit" to be sexy or to have good sex. Perhaps it is true for some people, but it has never been for me. My current problem is not a lack of offers, but a genuine lack of interest in the men attempting to entice me into bed. While I appreciate the concern for my sexual well-being (why isn't there a sarcasm font yet?), I am doing great and my weight does not hinder my sexual opportunities as much as my winning personality does.

There are some people who consider sex to be very important to their lifestyle. For me, when the situation is not right, sex just complicates things. Then again, sometimes I think I take sex too seriously. Other times, I think other people take it too lightly. Either way, to each their own I suppose.

I have always believed the best thing anyone can do is explore their sexuality and whatever that means to them. Experiment, or don't. Do all the things, or don't. I fully support everyone doing what they want to do. If it doesn’t hurt anyone… do what you will. But I think at the very least, every sexually active person should know how to take care of their own body and know what they like. Sexual Self-Awareness is a joy everyone should have, but I'm not going to say getting there isn't a bumpy road sometimes.

Is there anyone who does not have an embarrassing sex story? Whether it is an awkward injury, getting caught, or most unfortunate flatulence, it seems everyone has a cringe-worthy tale to share. I am not any different and unfortunately I can say I have experienced all three of the aforementioned embarrassing moments (and then some).

When I was 21, a girl I worked with decided she wanted to be a Passion Parties Representative to make extra income. She planned on hosting parties and wanted practice giving her presentation and talking about sex in a room full of people. Her best friend, another coworker, offered to be her first party host so she could practice surrounded by supportive friends.

We all showed up for a night of girly booze and sex talk. We played some party games. The presentation was good for a first timer and even though it was my first adult toy party, I found myself having a good time. The problem was that invitations were not limited to our social group from work and other giggling twenty-somethings.

My boss was there for my sex party deflowering.

If we had met under different circumstances, my boss and I might have really liked each other. She was less than ten years older than me and we had a few things in common. At the time, though, she was a retail manager and there was a "line" between peon and management. Never in a thousand years did I ever need to know which remote-control rabbit she already had. Believe it or not, the worst part was yet to come when the orders were "delivered".

I expected a phone call and a drop off, or a discreet pass off. I thought maybe my items would be delivered in a pink or red gift bag with some pretty tissue paper. You know, something cute and classy or even remotely professional.

I guess I was expecting a bit much because my coworker came to work two weeks later toting one large cardboard shipping box. Nothing was labeled, separated or even grouped together by order. The box was set behind the Service Desk in full access to the prying eyes and scrutiny of every employee. Everyone who attended the party received a text letting them know that orders were in and to come pick up their stuff. The order sheet was left on top of the box for people to check off after digging through the large box of intimate purchases for their stuff.

As I considered this person to be a friend, I decided to really invest in her endeavor and had used the occasion to purchase my first Adult Novelty Item. Upon digging through the box of orders I quickly discovered two things. I had invested more in her alleged future career than anyone else and I was the only one who ordered more than a bottle of flavored lube and bubble bath. I walked out of work that day with my raspberry tingle cream and new battery-operated-boyfriend triple quadruple-wrapped in white plastic bags tucked under my arm like I was smuggling drugs. I have never been to another party since.

I have learned quite a few things since then. The first is that it's always cheaper to buy your sex toys online. Even Amazon sells sex toys; They're hidden under the Health and Household as Sexual Wellness Products. The most important thing is that there might be some great debate on what makes the best sex and what the best sex really is, but I believe the best sex is completely uninhibited. Getting there starts by educating yourself and not buying your Adult Novelties from a coworker.

Have you ever attended an awkward sex toy party?

An InLinkz Link-up

4 comments:

  1. I love your posts because I love your honestly. And this one is no different.

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  2. That really sucks that you had that kind of humiliation. The first toy party I went to, I was in my early 20's and I hated it. I think that speaks to your thoughts on finding your own sexuality. It's only been since my relationship with my husband that I've really started to own mine. Maybe a little bit relationship, a little bit age, but I'm glad I did!

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  3. I went to one of those parties when I was in my early thirties. So awkward. Not a great experience for me. There are just certain things I don't want to...ahem...shop for and discuss with my coworker who wears mom jeans. Okay, so maybe mom jeans were in back then...but still. I am glad to see that these conversations aren't as hushy hush as they used to be. Great post, Ash!

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  4. That is CRAZY. I am, yes, a PP consultant, but all of our stuff is dropped shipped directly to the customer and not to the hostess at all so the hostess never even knows what you ordered unless you tell them. I am appalled by stories such as this. Sorry you had a bad experience. :( They're suppose to be fun, yet extremely confidential when it comes to ordering and delivery (being shipped directly to customer from warehouse in a plain box without the PP name on it).

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