Sunday, November 9, 2014

Sunday Confessions: Able

This week's prompt:
ABLE

I haven't been able to do a lot of things.  At least I haven't felt like it in a long time.  I haven't been able to do the things I need to do.  I haven't been able to be the person I want to be or the person others need me to be.  I haven't been able to keep up, get it right, get it done.  That's a really rough way to feel about things.  

I've been dealing with my depression.  I've been dealing with the healing that comes with feeling like you've been on the losing end for a long time.  Yesterday, I did something I didn't think I was going to be able to do.  I faced something head on.  It took me two weeks, three instances of chickening out and countless conversations with an encouraging, patient and amazing friend to do it, but I walked in and had a conversation with someone I was afraid to have.  

Maybe that sounds like a little thing to be able to do, but it felt huge to me.  Somewhere along the line, I lost the ability to just do certain things.  Looking back at myself, I often say.... "Man, I used to be able to..." or "I used to do that/get that done/not have a problem with that".  

And I have to wonder, when did I stop being able?  When did I stop just doing all of these things? 

I start a new job tomorrow.  Sometimes I am in awe of people who have been with companies for twenty or thirty or forty years and it is for a lot of reasons, but one of the biggest is because I think walking into a new job is a reminder and an opportunity to show what you are capable of, what you can do, what you can be.  I'm excited to walk in to a new opportunity to show how I am able to contribute.

Between yesterday and tomorrow, I'm feeling incredible able today.  All I can do is grab that momentum and hope it stays with me and maybe if I just keep going, keep trying to be able... I'll be able to do and be the things I haven't been able to in awhile. 

5 comments:

  1. Congratulations on starting your new job tomorrow Ash. 😃 Sometimes we just need to shake things up in life and become able to do those things that need doing. You needed a fresh start and here you are making it happen. New doors that were closed will open up for you. Enjoy hon, you've worked hard for this. 😊

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  2. I'm glad whatever forces were at work--cosmic fate, coincidence, or whatever you believe in--brought us together. I couldn't imagine my life without you in it now, and you know I'm happy that things worked out yesterday.

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  3. Rock out with that momentum while you can :-)

    Congrats on a new beginning at your new job and for finding the courage inside yourself to do the things that may scare you but ultimately help you grow!

    ♡ ♥

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  4. My phone lost my original comment to you, so lemme try this again:

    Depression is such a cruel bastard. It sneaks inside our mind & puts out the vibe that we're unable to live for ourselves, unable to fulfill our inner happiness, unable to get up & do anything at all or change it.

    It's such a major feat to push outta that funk & find yourself able again! This new job is just what you needed, i know you're going to be fantabulous today! Lots of love to you!

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