Sunday, July 2, 2017

Horoscopes by Hot Ash - July 2017


Have you ever noticed that Horoscopes are always overwhelmingly and unbelievably positive? It's hard to take something seriously when the people interpreting the cosmos keeping putting out these Horoscopes that say everything is rosy.  Life is bittersweet and your horoscope should be too.  

There's just one problem: I'm a writer, not an astrologist. So, I give you "Horoscopes by Hot Ash".  My translation of real horoscopes for people who live in the real world.  And if I'm wrong, well... just keep in mind that these horoscopes are for Entertainment purposes only and you should take advice from some random woman on the Internet with a grain of salt (with tequila and a lime too, if you have it).

June was fun, wasn't it?  Guess what?  July is going to have people acting all kinds of wacky because we have an eclipse coming.  I bet you're thrilled.  Here's your slightly snarky Horoscope for July. 


ARIES March 21–April 19
Remember last month when I said self-care was going to be your best friend?  It might not be your best friend this month, but you should definitely stay close.  The beginning of July is going to start rough and you're going to need to decide if you can take the heat and stay in the kitchen or if you want to take the opportunity to get out.  Don't bottle up things you should be communicating with your partner or things are going to suck at the end of the month between you.  At the same time, you should also take care to make sure you're tackling the actual issues you're going to encounter this month and not picking fights to satisfy your ego.



TAURUS April 20–May 20
There's an old hurt or old feelings about something or someone you haven't let go of and those things are festering.  Let it go, Elsa - so it can't hold you back anymore. The best thing to do in the beginning of this month is to get present and make sure you're the LEAD ROLE and not just a supporting actor in your own life right now.  Be the catalyst for change.   You're going to have an active summer, this would be a good time to invest in some good active wear.




GEMINI May 21–June 21
Old habits die hard.  You might find yourself turning to some old, unhealthy coping mechanisms this month. Pay attention to what is going on that is causing you to react so you can fix it. Avoid the Internet around the Full Moon on the 8th... DON'T FEED THE TROLLS.  If you're going to fight for something, donate your time and money towards a cause and not just noise - from your mouth or your keyboard.  Expect conflict towards the end of the month.  Conduct yourself in a way that reflects your values and so that you don't have regrets.



CANCER June 22–July 22
Conflict is in the stars for you.  Some things that have been on the back burner are going to start bubbling and demanding your immediate attention.  Whether you're the one with a bone to pick or someone is coming at you with one, watch your words.  Say what you mean and mean what you say, but make sure you have a point to the argument and don't just fight to fight.  People can disagree with you without lessening the value or weight of your own opinion.  Practice learning how to live and let live.



LEO July 23–August 22 
Expect some crazy dreams this month.  You're dealing with something on a deeper level and it's going to manifest itself through dreams and feelings - which sounds annoying as hell, so make sure you schedule some nap time for yourself.  Keep reinforcing those boundaries we talked about last month, and be consistent with your feelings towards the people you love.  Keeping working on your path of redefining what you stand for and believe.





VIRGO August 23–September 22
Don't fuck your ex this month.  I'm supposed to tell you to beware of people from your past this month, but let's be honest... it's almost always an ex. That fact of the matter is, all of the things that happened before that you don't want to remember are still there.  You might find yourself feigning for some ex sex, but it's really not going to be worth it in the end.  You're going to be feeling all kinds of passionate, take that energy and do something constructive with it.  Paint something.  Clean something.  Do something creative.  Just don't do your ex.



LIBRA September 23–October 22
Some of last month's horoscope are still going to ring true this month. Truth can be subjective and you need to focus on your true and your experiences and not everyone else's.  You don't need to rely on other's opinions to validate yourself and you'll screw your authentic self over if you try. Some necessary conflict is going to happen mid-month and you're going to have to deal with some things.  Be kind with your words and actions because they will cause a ripple effect that will cause waves that will be felt for awhile.




SCORPIO October 23–November 21
 Scorpios tend to seem like they don't give a fuck, but the reality is just the opposite.  You need to do your best to tone down the intensity of your reactions towards people when things happen because shutting down or blowing up are off-putting towards others.  Choose your interactions wisely, avoid spending too much time with people who bring out your anxiety or anger.  Sometimes, it's ok to let things go and not rise to the occasion every time there is a conflict.




SAGITTARIUS November 22–December 21
Did you get swept away last month?  The new relationships and the new people you met last month are creating a whirlwind of activity for you.  You need to get your shit together.  With everything you've got going on, it a good time to straighten out your inbox, make sure your calendar is updated and make sure you're not spreading yourself too thin.  It's important to make sure you know where you're supposed to be and not flaking on people, even if it's a mistake because no one likes being stood up.  Make sure you show up when you say you will, don't be afraid to tell people no if you need to make time for yourself.



CAPRICORN December 22–January 19 
You've got a busy month ahead.  You need to mind your P's and Q's this month and I don't just mean your manners.  Don't let your ego carry you away into situations you don't really want to be in.  Treat others the way you would like to be treated.  The Full Moon is going to stir the shit pot for you emotionally so expect some repressed and well-fermented drama to arise.  The best thing you can do this month is just try to find some balance.




AQUARIUS January 20–February 18
Hmm... looks like you're going to meet someone new in the coming month or two.  It isn't a certainty, but if you do it's going to be intense and it's going to be a person who leaves an impact.  Don't take that as "You're going to meet THE ONE".  Take it as you're going to meet someone you're going to learn from.  The end of the month is going to leave you hella cranky so find something to do with yourself that will burn up some of the aggression you're going to feel.  This might be a good time to try spinning or hot yoga.




PISCES February 19–March 20
Creativity is a great way to express yourself, unless you let it drive you crazy.  Oddly enough, the same things can be said about sex and love.  Other people's reliance on your this month is going to learn you feeling overwhelmed or you're going to find yourself obsessed.  It's time to drawn some boundaries and be very specific with people about the things you want and need.  This applies both in the bedroom and out.  You don't get your cookies, metaphoric or otherwise, if you don't tell people that you want them and what you like.  Things might get messy, but it's time to be honest.  Things get easier towards the end of the month, take care of yourself and do a little pampering when the intensity breaks.

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