Sunday, August 20, 2017

Can Life Be Too Sweet?

Mercury Retrograde, a New Moon and a Solar Eclipse has things a little crazy this month and everyone seems to be feeling it.  Things have just been kind of wonky for the last month and it seems like everyone is struggling with it a little bit.  Everything has just kind of been... well, bullshitty.

At times like this when there seems to be a lot of small bad things happening in large numbers, sometimes it helps me to think about bigger problems, worse days and larger obstacles that I've overcome. The truth is, with all of the nitty gritty everyday problems that are happening in large numbers my general state of being is actually pretty good.

My house is a mess.  I'm having car problems.  Relationship status: Strained is an understatement.  Money is tight and I'm late paying rent.  I'm overweight and could be healthier.  I've been struggling with my mental health lately.  All of these things aren't great, but they're not the worst case scenario.  I have a house with enough stuff to be messy.  My car problems can be fixed and I don't have to worry about a car payment and money for repairs.  Relationship status: once you've been in an abusive relationship and escaped, normal relationship problems feel like small potatoes.  Money is tight, but I'm learning how to supplement my income, identify excess and I have money to pay the rent I just need to write the check.  I might be overweight and generally unhealthy, but I'm not having any major health problems that require medical attention.  I'm depressed, but I'm getting up every day and I'm not in a place where I have to deal with therapy bills.

I can't help but think about people I've met who don't know what it's like to be handed lemons though.

I once had a co-worker who seemed to have the most charmed life.  Bad things happened, but it was always small things.  She seemed blissfully unaware of the dangers that some people face regularly.  Things like drug addiction, sexual assault, serious mental illness and the way people sometimes just use/hurt/abuse other people were all really kind of beyond her.  While she was fortunate that those things didn't happen to her or people around her, it also left her incredibly kind of ignorant.  Maybe what they say is true and ignorance is bliss.

Sometimes, I feel like perhaps I'm too aware of the ugly things in life.  Some of the ugly things have just happened to me or people I've known.  Sometimes, I've gone looking for knowledge in dark places.  Sometimes I'm envious of the people who are blissfully unaware.

But then there are times like these when life seems to be handing people lemons and I know that I'm doing ok because I've been handed lemons before.  There are times when I wonder what it might be like to only know the taste of the sweetest lemonade, but then I remember that while I've always been a fan of candy and sweets, I've always liked my lemonade with a little bit of punch.

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