Friday, July 12, 2013

Cricket Cruncher

Sometimes, I get myself into situations.  I get an idea into my head.  I read a bit about it and watch some YouTube videos and decide "I might like to try that".  This is usually how I find myself trying/doing disgusting, embarassing, awkward, occasionally awful new things.  That being said, about a month or so ago, I watched a show on tv (My Strange Addiction, perhaps?  A terrible show for someone with too much to do and a touch of OCD) about a man who eats bugs.  He was showing all the insects he keeps in his freezer, and showing how he prepares them.  A few days later, the kiddo and I were talking and I was telling her about the show, and we ended up watching a presentation where a woman was talking about the nutritional value of eating crickets, or as she called them "land shrimp".  Somewhere along the way, we decided we wanted to try it.  I don't want to call it a big mistake but...well, I won't be making land shrimp tacos any time soon.

The boyfriend found suckers with critters in them.  I'd seen them before and had purchased them as gifts, but never tried one myself.  After hearing the kiddo and I talking about them, he decided to purchase a sucker for each of us from the local candy shop downtown.  He brought us two suckers, one orange and one grape from Hotlix (  They sat there for two and a half weeks.  

This weekend, he decided enough was enough and we could eat them on the way to his parent's house.  She took the orange and I was left with the grape.  We started licking.  I really wasn't thrilled with the flavor, it was not delicious like grape koolaid or some other, delicious grape flavor.  It was actually kind of like grape medicine that isn't terrible, but isn't good either.  I could tell that it had sat at the candy shop for awhile but there we were, sucking away as we drove down the road.

The first part to stick out of the sucker was a leg.  Mine wasn't as pretty and centered as the one pictured above.'  It stuck out and scratched my tongue and I finally had to just scrape my teeth over it to stop the pokey feeling on my tongue.  It was probably what you would imagine the leg of a critter with an exoskeleton to be: crunchy. 

The sucking continued.  I flipped it over and started licking the other side after I realized I had been licking the abdomen for awhile (ICK!).  I sat with the sucker in my mouth sideways in an attempt to avoid the bug.  Truth be told, I started to feel sick after awhile.  I think my nauseousness was more due to the terrible flavor and motion sickness than exposure to insect, but it is truly debatable.

We reached my boyfriend's parent's home, where his parents and his sister got to witness the end of the grape cricket sucker.  I'd grown tired of sucking and finally starting to bite off little pieces of sucker.  The leg can off first.  I couldn't really feel or taste anything over the flavor of the sucker and the texture of the candy.  I bite again, trying to get as close to the head as possible without breaking it off.  I had every intention of just trying to swallow it.  But, of course, the head broke off in the piece I bit off.  I considered stopping, and decided to just chew.  

Again, the texture wasn't noticeable, but then there was a flavor.  It wasn't tasty.  About halfway through chewing, my boyfriend's sister noticed I had bitten off the head, so of course I needed to open my mouth and showed her my ABC Cricket.  Then I stole some Doritos from her to wash the taste down.  

I tried to bite another piece off, the abdomen broke apart.  That was when I saw them.  I admit, morbid fascination caused me to look inside to see what it all looked like.  But...I was confused.  All that was there were these little yellowish pellet looking things.  What?  What is that?  I had no idea, but then I stole the kiddo's and realized mine had a more swollen looking abdomen.  It was then that I decided I thought it was pregnant (Google later confirmed this).

Looking at those eggs, and realizing some had fallen out of the hard candy encased insect and onto my shirt I got a little queasy.  I did not want to chew those little pokey things crickets have on their butts and looking at them and the eggs, I thought I was done.  But I wasn't going to fail.  So I licked the candy from around the cricket, getting into as small of a piece as I could.  I then pulled the remaining piece of candy off the stick (as my boyfriend's father sat laughing at me).  And I swallowed the rest of it whole. 

I then chased it down with more Cool Ranch Doritos and a Mountain Dew.  Fun if you want to freak out the kids, but I will never do it again.  On a side note, I wish I would have taken pictures.