Monday, December 2, 2013

The Dance



Today's Sunday Confession prompt:
DANCE

I once danced in the Show Choir (unbelievable right?)

When I'm home alone (which happens a lot these days) and I'm cleaning, I like to turn on Pandora and dance around my kitchen.  Please believe...I Dougie and I do it with No Hands.  

I HATED dancing with my ex, the Boyfriend-that-Was.  Oh my god, it was awful.  He wouldn't dance with me at an appropriate time...like when I was listening to music or we were at a function.  But he would dance with me in the small kitchen of my apartment while I tried to make dinner.  And don't even get me started on trying to dance with someone who: A.) Can't dance.  B.) Had a belly so large it was like there were triplets in there.  I mean...I'm fat too, but holy uncomfortable. C.) Couldn't lead for shit so he would try to do something "fancy" and when you didn't do what he intended would stop and chastise you for not doing what you were "supposed" to do and D.) Insisted on wrenching and twisting you into these moves he saw on t.v but didn't understand the mechanics of so he just ended up hurting you.

But there were other times.... and a flood of memories, thoughts and insecurities come back to me.

I've really and truly had some of the best moments of my life with the worst people.  As I'm sitting here...I remember dancing in the middle of the street with my long-ago beau.  It was a beautiful summer night and the smell of cinnamon rolls filled the air (I grew up a few blocks away from a huge bakery), I was madly in love and he was everything to me.  There was no music.  Just us.  Dancing in the street.  I know, I know...in a world after "The Notebook" that is cliche, corny and unoriginal; But this was before Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams and therefore....magic.  Now when anyone tries to have an impromptu dance with me I just sigh inside. 

I don't care what anyone says....it was just like this.  I mean, yeah...they needed a guy with abs and she is totally dressed better than I was (Victory Rolls haunt me!) but other than those small details...just like this.  Just this moment though...the rest is someone else's love story. 

Memory lane can be special. 

But I digress.

 I've been doing one hell of a serious dance.  Some days it is 2 steps forward, one step back.  Some days it is one step forward and 2 back.  All I know is...I just keep trying to make progress and it can be frustrating when I feel like I just keep doing this dance and getting no where on the dance floor.   

I have a strange relationship with "Life".  Maybe it's God.  I don't know.  But one thing I'm beginning to realize is that when I think I know something, Life will find a way to remind me that I know nothing.  When I think something is inevitable, Life will show me that even when all the signs are there things can change in a moment.  When I think I could never do or be something, I find myself in the position where I have to do or be that something.  When all seems dark, somehow I realize that without it I would be unable to see the light. 

And I realized that without steps both forward and back...there is no dance, and what kind of life would that be?

It's not a perfect dance and sometimes I really suck at it, but I'm trying to have the Time of my Life.  (Oh yeah, Dirty Dancing reference.  That makes me awesome today!)