Friday, January 3, 2014

Five Minute Friday: Fight

Can I say how excited I am for the return of Five Minute Friday?  So Excited!!!  I'm really glad to be here and typing along in the New Year!!

Five Minute Friday

Five Minute Fridays always seem to fit what I need to say.  2013 was a fight.  A bad one.  It felt like lots of struggle.  And towards the end of the year I was really starting to feel out of fight.  

The New Year came peacefully.  I was thankful not to be alone that night.  It's funny...you always think you're going to spend a quiet night home alone, maybe clean some things and go into the New Year with things nice and fresh and wind up watching fireworks through a frosted window and crying over another year passed without really achieving anything.  

I feel like 2013, particularly the last 6 months, was an incredible boxing match.  I feel like I took 1-2 punches again and again and again.  What was I doing wrong?  What wasn't I doing right?  Push, push, push for an answer or a solution.   I was, and I am, still thoroughly exhausted from it all.  

There are so many things going on right now that I haven't been able to find a way to deal with...money is tight, tight in ways that I've had to juggle and everything is about to hit the ground.  In the past, if I was short cash or money got tight I would get another job.  Being vehicle-less right now doesn't make that possible.  And everyone wants to tell me about all the things I don't have to pay for...like gas.  Wish that made me feel better, unfortunately I was only filling up every 2-3 weeks and I need the money in other areas so bad right now that I don't feel so lucky or liberated from gas prices.  I should have been saving, you say? Yeah.  I know.  My savings was wiped out by surgery for my cat, and paying for bills left behind by the boyfriend that was.  I'm in a jam and feeling scared.

The last 3 weeks, it's felt like one thing after another and I just kept swimming.  Fight and fight and fight.  I've been fighting for control, to make it work, to find a solution. 

And then, I stopped.  I admit it.  I've kind of just stopped.  Maybe fighting isn't the answer.  I need to stop fighting, watch for the signs, wait and figure out what I'm supposed to do, stop putting muscle into it and find brains...and faith.  I need to stop fighting for control because I'm afraid.  I've been taught this lesson time and time again in more than one situation.  I need to stop trying to force and control everything.   That sounds defeatist (is that even a word?).  But that isn't it.  I've always believed that if you life right, you will be blessed.  Not to say that people who aren't so blessed aren't living right.  But...I haven't been doing a lot of things right.  Starting with fighting.  It's time to stop.  It's time to stop fighting and wait for what is to be.  Have faith that things are going to work out, stop pushing and fighting to make them.  

I just keep telling myself:  I am blessed and highly favored.  Yes, this is hard but if you do what needs to be done, when it needs to be done, be grateful for what you have and give thanks for your blessings...it will all work out.  Stop fighting.